Good Luck

I was supposed to have a first date with a hot doctor on Friday but I canceled. Here's what happened.

Things have been crazy at work and three people quit on Friday half way through the day. This is in addition to three other people giving notice two weeks ago. Six people in two weeks is a lot and things seem crazy.

One of the people who was leaving was having a happy hour at the same time as my first date. I told him I wasn't able to attend because I had plans. He didn't take no for an answer and admittedly phone banked me (aka called me repeatedly - gotta love people in politics) and texted me saying I had better attend his going away party. It had been a crazy day that concluded a crazy week and I felt like some stress-free drinks without the pressure of first date conversation and posture sounded like what the hot doctor would order. I finally gave in after two texts and five calls and agreed to cancel plans with the hot doctor and go to the happy hour.

The happy hour guy met me at my office and I walked over with him to his party so he wouldn't show up alone. I told him I canceled a date (with a hot doctor) for his happy hour and he assured me that I would meet many single men at the party.

I texted the hot doctor and told him that several people had quit at my office and things were nutty and I wasn't able to make it. And I asked if I could get a raincheck for Sunday. I got a text back saying, "I'm booked Sunday. Good luck." Ouch. I suppose he thinks I'm either a flake or a drama queen and doesn't want to see me, but... ouch. Oh well, we found each other online and haven't actually met in person yet, his hot doctor picture could be 37 years old. He could be a member of the long noise hair club. Or an 18 year old dude. Or a 60 year old lady. Either way, he kind of seems like a dbag. No date for Betti this week. Fail.

For the record, I met no single guys at the happy hour and I bought two beers and a shot for the going away dude.

This dating stuff hurts my brain sometimes

I think the easiest way for me to update would be by person.

1. The Saturday Late Date - He texted me early the following week and we set something up for that Thursday. I guess it annoyed me that he texted to ask, and that he wanted me to pick the place. Again. Anyways, I was too hungover and just not in the mood to go that Thursday, so I canceled. I spent the night with my phone off and alone. It was what I needed.

He emailed me Wednesday and asked me out for Thursday. I had another date then anyways, but I wouldn't have gone simply b/c he asked the day before. Over email. I said I had plans then later that night I get an email tome about his current relationship with, um, relationships. I appreciate the honesty, but man. I do NOT need to hear about your sex life with your ex. I thought I successfully brushed him off, but he emailed back and still wanted to hang out. I've not responded.

2. The Other Dating Site Dude - We had a date Thursday at a sushi place downtown. I had actually been there originally with the Vet. It's so.good. We had a nice time, good conversation. We got another drink at a bar down the street, then called it an evening. He keeps asking me if I have any questions for him. It's not like I'm not engaging him in conversation. Weird. He too has laid his baggage out as well (divorced, etc). I'm not sure I understand this trend.

He paid for dinner, I paid for drinks after.

3. The Repub - We grabbed a drink about 2 weeks ago after texting for an hour beforehand about our relationship (namely, how amazing our sexual chemistry was). I think some of the stuff I had told him about dating him being a waste of time got to him. He kept bringing it up. We both knew that meeting up that evening was pretty much a prelude to sex. A lot of really good, drunk sex (that kept me from going to my date the next night). I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoyed the self-esteem boost that comes from your ex saying how hot he thinks you are and how much he likes sex with you (in much dirtier terms). Now to work on having no contact with him at all. That's always the hardest for me.

He paid

4. The Vet - We had a date Tuesday out on H St. It was quite a bit of fun. He's been driving me to/from work while he's been home too. He travels a lot for work. We're also going to go out tonight for one of our mutual friend's birthday. He hasn't been going out as much, and he thinks he found a place to buy. I'm still waiting to see how he handles a few other things such as his mental and physical health. I did learn Sunday how he saved children from a fire during the war. In gratitude, the town gave him a 16 year old girl to marry (and plates of food). Good deal?

For Labor Day, he'd going to take me to North Carolina for 2 days. I'm really looking forward to getting away.

He paid

Say No to the Name

It is official. I will never date a dude with "the name". As rick.mark.steve mentioned, the dude who broke my heart has the same name as Hirschorn and Birthday. And guess who else shares "the name"? The vampire! That name is off limits.

Also, I have a packed schedule today, only 15 minutes free and I chose to clear my head by reading the blog and eating some string cheese. Reading rick.mark.steve's latest posts made me smile. I hope the blog brings joy to others as well. Churn baby churn.

the return of birthday and hirshhorn

so forgot to mention.

i dated a guy around my birthday.

he was cute (enough). i was in to him. i thought he was in to me. after like 6 dates that were all going really well, no sign of anything awkward. he said he wanted to be friends.

not really a big deal, but it kinda hurt. and i should have expected it based on what my friends say about him and dating.

but he had said the date before, that he 'wasnt going anywhere' and i could trust him.

so it felt like a big ole bitch slap.

well we shall call him birthday.

i havent seen him since this breakup.

and the perfection of this is that hirshhorn and birthday have the same real name, which is also the same real name as betti's heartbreaker. so we shall now never date said people with this name.

anywho.

both returned to my life yesterday.

i go to the scissor sisters concert. my friend invites me. i go along. he tells me one person will be there that i know and that others will be there. go to dinner. birthday is sitting right across from me.

by all outward appearances i handled it well. but. i. felt. so. un. com. fort. able.

him and his friends were all talking about past boyfriends, flying abroad with boyfriends, etc etc. it just made me want to die. and feel like i was a failure or something. i didnt like it at all.

then as we walk to the concert, i check my gmail on my handy dandy iphone. and guess who sent me an email? hirshhorn!!! HONESTLY.

and it was like, hope the housewarming went well, blah blah. lets do something soon :)

IV. REALZ.

i just kinda got upset. i mean i dont understand. here i am with failed attempt 1. then failed attempt 2 is emailing me to hang out, but still not making me a priority by any stretch.

so found some friends at the concert, thank god they are the couple that doesnt make me feel like a third wheel and is super awesome. i proceed to down two redbull vodkas and have 3 double makers and coke.

yes coke, not diet coke. some of us gays do actually like the real version.

so concert starts. we're singing. we're dancing. and then birthday kept looking over during the concert. I just hated every second of it. i mean the whole night wasnt a bust, but dating is just so damn hard. and emotions are so uncontrollable.

however, it reminded me why this whole churning thing is not only hard in the moment, but hard in the long term. and in a sorta fucked up way, it kinda revitalized why im doing this.

i dont want these situations to happen. i want to be with someone that makes all this awkwardness and failed relationships not matter. i want to find someone who likes me as much as i like them.

so churn baby churn. once date a week. no exceptions.

So.Much.To.Update

so.

where was I the last time i posted?

god. dating in the gay world is like dating on crack.

well. i guess this makes sense. i mean i do live on vivarin (heeyyyy jesse spano) and vodka.

but thats besides the point.

so i guess i left off where i had a date with swede and 8 pack in the week.

so swede.

great guy. went to thai tanic. then got gelato and walked around for 45 minutes. was fine. but when i was asking him about himself, like helloooo, you are from sweden. tell me everything. he was unnecessarily vague. like i had to ask him multiple times about what his family was like. and not that he said anything negative about his family, they sounded perfectly fun and great. it was like he just didnt share that information ever.

and the conversation kept going back to work. he works in IT for the govt too. granted he's on the technical side. and im on the managerial side. and for some reason our pay rate got brought up. which i found super awkward, altho working for the govt this is a totally common thing, i just really dont like it. but it was even more awkward when we realized we were the same rate. and he's 8 years older than me. anywho.

go back to his place. luckily he had his fan on, it was dusty and my contacts were going crazy. i think he could tell i just wasnt feeling it. i mean i should prolly give him another shot. but i dunno. im just not feeling it.

so 8 pack. we're texting. we meet up for drinks. have a really good time. he stays over and we cuddle. nothing serious. im lame, but i like that.

that weekend i have my housewarming. i invite him. which had the potential to be super awkward because not only was he there, but i also invited pink sock.

maybe because im partially lesbian and think its fun to invite different people im dating/hooking up with to the same social function?

maybe because i like creating my own personal version of hell?

maybe because im just dumb.

anywho. was surprisingly not awkward. even though in front of both of them, random friend, we shall call WASP (you know who you are) referenced the blog in front of both of them and asked who my date of the week was not knowing that 8 pack and pink sock were both right next to us. and then when i gave him a blank stare he asked me louder as though i had not heard him the first time.

oh. and 8 pack was asked by a friend how he knew me, and he responded in front of pink sock that 'he had gone on a date with rick.mark.steve earlier in the week.'

fun times.

but pink sock went out with the entire crew later. was buying me drinks. was super nice. but like all up on my junk and i dont want that.

so i had to pull the 'got sick in the bathroom' card and bailed. it was bad.

but it worked.

so since that weekend...its been like a week and a half.

8 pack and i have been texting. monday he met up with me and some friends at jr's for showtunes then slept over. he came over tuesday night to hang out for a few and just sleep over. then thursday i was having a particularly bad day at work and was grumpy. he took me to a quick dinner and paid (and he's a student, so i thought that was nice) to cheer me up. then i went over later that night and slept at his place and met his roommates. i also was texting with him and said thanks for cheering me up, i need to take you on an official date this weekend. and he was like, what, are the other dates we've been on fake?

which won major bonus points.

but we went out sunday day. i decide to take him to my favorite restaurant, the sou'wester at mandarin oriental. and im going to point out things that are kind of negative, but overall wasnt...just need to paint the full picture. he makes a comment about never going to the waterfront becuase he doesnt do that. and im like, dude, its still northwest. calm down. but he genuinely enjoyed lunch. said it was amazing (clearly).

and while at lunch, we had a few conversation points that were interesting. like he's not close to his family. he feels as though he has nothing in common with them, which i found odd. i think there's some things there he brushes over because he doeesn't want to deal with them, but it was a little off-putting still. also, there were something about his friends, and babies, and other things that his statements were just so extreme. like i dont notice children. they shouldnt exist.

which in all fairness, is something i would say. but i would say it to be outrageous and expect people to judge me and then id clearly show i was kidding.

but anywho. about the conversation. it flows well. we laugh. we joke. etc. but theres just a lot of things that he talks about that i dont know if its his personality traits coming out or youth. like are these statements something maturity and experience will change or is this really who he is? i dont know. i mean i know i was different two years ago until i had to really enter the real world.

but so after lunch, i had planned to do paddle boats on the tidal basin. cute right?

yeah. he was like, i dont really feel like doing that.

so we went to go see the kids are all right instead.

i mean. i guess i should have just made him do it. but i feel like if someone makes plans for something on a date, unless you are like vehemently opposed to it, you do it, right?

just totally threw me off.

so i'm at a cross roads with this boy. do i actually see if its worth it and keep going on dates...i mean we're prolly at like 10 hangouts at this point. or do i call it quits?

he definitely shows a lot of interest. he's got a ridiculous body. i'm attracted to him. but i still dont understand with his weird dieting and gym obsession why he's interested in me. i just dont get it really.

he has been trying to hang out each night this week. i kinda wanted some alone time. so i sorta pushed him off. i am gonna have dinner with him tomorrow night at my place. we'll see how it goes.

tonight after bocce im gonna hang out with another boy i met online. getting drinks to say heyyyy. so i'm still not committing to 8 pack.

and i have a long weekend away at the lake in wisconsin (thurs-tuesday). so i'll try and think things through and update you all more fully on whats going on in my head.

i feel like i have a lot to figure out.

Dating is hard Barbie

I went out with a dude I met on Craigslist this past weekend. (The date I had to postpone due to the hangover.) I think I'll call him the stepdad because he is a former stepfather. He is a smart dude, a government employee and former math professor. He didn't talk about vampires or have excess nose hair so the date was already more promising than the others.

Stepdad was really nice. The conversation was only mildly awkward. I don't think we had very much in common but he was impressed that I didn't diss math when he told me he used to teach the subject. It must suck to tell people what you do and have them wince in pain from the memory of past math tests.

I showed up to the date 12 minutes late but I let him know I would be late. He was early. I was awkward. I got a Bell's. It was delicious. He got a booth. Let me clarify, it was a mini booth. I felt even more awkward while I tried to squeeze my fat ass in a mini booth. But the nice thing was - I didn't have to sit and stare at him because it was more comfortable to sit sideways.

We talked about walking. He likes to walk. (This is the second date this month where the conversation was about walking, is that weird?) He just moved here. I keep going out with dudes who are new to the area. New revelation - I want a dude who has at least some roots here. Someone who has been in the area for a few years so he knows which bars, restaurants, parks he likes and has a group of friends. I don't want to play cruise director.

Stepdad has a former stepdaughter (he was recently divorced) who is starting college this year. That means she is likely 18 years old. I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is old enough to have a stepdaughter in college. I think I am in the minority on this but age is important to me. My first serious relationship was with a 32 year old dude when I was 24. I learned the hard way that eight years when you're in your early 20s is too much of an age difference. There tends to be a power differential when the age difference is that great. And I'm not sure I want to be with a man who isn't interested in being with a woman his own age.

I'm 31 years old and I'm getting pickier. I suppose that means that I am narrowing in on what I want in a partner. Surely that it is going to make it harder to find someone. Being in my 30s the pond is smaller as it is. I'm not sure I should be making it any shallower. But experience has taught me that just getting along isn't enough to build a life together. And I want a partner to build a life with, dammit.

Okay, back to the date. We were there for over 90 minutes and I told him I had to walk my dog. It was only partially an out - I really did have to walk my dog but I wanted to jet. He was super nice. But it wasn't a match. As we were leaving I saw a friend at the bar and I purposely ignored him and didn't make eye contact - I didn't want to introduce the stepdad.

We went outside and I told him that I had had a nice time. The goodbye was THE MOST AWKWARD GOODBYE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. It was a handshake that was almost a hug, then almost a kiss on the cheek, then almost a hug, then kind of a weird handshake/fistbump. It was awful. If I were watching I would have laughed out loud. New challenge: work on being a normal human being. Shit, I was so awkward.

I walked across the street and waited for him to turn the corner, then I retraced my steps, went back in to the bar and said, "hi" and "bye" to my friend. Then I went home and walked my dog.

All in all it was a pleasant date. Probably tied with the rat guy as the best date I've had in churning 2010. I would go out with him if he asked again though I don't think he will. He texted me later that night and said he had a good time but he guessed the dog was an out. Oops. I am the world's worst faker.

For the record: I paid for my beer.

Dingbats.

#1 result for "Dingbat" Google image search.

Are men dingbats? Either they are or I am more charming than I realize. But I really think it's the former. I got an email from Harry saying he had a great time chatting with me and wanted to know when we would go out again. Really? I don't know what date he was on but there was no chemistry and I can't believe he had a great time. Maybe he just wants to date a woman twenty years his junior and doesn't care that the conversation is bland and generic.

I may sound like the world's most shallow person but I am not attracted to a man who seems to have a hard time breathing through his nose due to excess nose hair.

I know Papa Churn said the goal is to get a second date but I'm wondering if I should have even gone on a first date with him. If I am convinced that nothing will happen with a man because of zero chemistry or age or some other x-factor, does that make me closed-minded? And if I just go out with him for the quota, am I using him for the churn? Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me a bad dater? Maybe that is why I am single.

But now I have to email him and reply to say when (if at all) I want to meet up with him again. Papa do preach. I'm in trouble deep. Okay, not really.

I just want to know if a) I should be going out with old (or young) men more than ten years my senior (or junior) when I don't want to date them at all; and b) if I am even churning correctly. When you churn, should there be an internal screening process or do you just go out with anyone who asks?

Hello Awkwardtown, USA

Hello people of the interwebs. This is my first blog post ever so please bear with me. It’s very nerve-wracking much like the big bad world of dating aka Awkwardtown, USA.

I’ve never been a good dater. My dream is meet someone organically – not forced like a dating website, blind date or whatever else the evil universe has dreamed up to make finding a mate the most awkward/awful/anxiety inducing thing ever.

I’m dipping my toes back into the proverbial dating pool. I’ve never been one to have a lot of boyfriends. My thought process is why be with someone for the sake of being with someone if they are not that awesome. Even though my friends and family would beg to differ on my past boyfriends and their lack of awesomeness.

My other single friends and I are going out on Thursday night for our “Thursday Night Boy Hunting Club”. Which usually just ends with us drunk and singing karaoke but at least we are out and about. I’ve been invited to a Singles BBQ this weekend. My married friend and her husband have invited all the singletons they know to host an incredible awkward BBQ. In married friend’s dream world, all her friends would be married to her husband’s friends and we all live on a cozy cul-de-sac together. That is Kitty’s nightmare world. I’m not really banking on this being all that lucrative as I received a text from her asking “how do you feel about dating a guy with kids?” I know I’m over 30 and single but I still am holding out hope for a great guy. Not that said “guy with kids” isn’t great but I’m not all that keen on being an InstaMom. But I will keep an open mind going into this and will remember that this is the very reason that God made Booze….Awkwardtown, USA.

Um. What?

So I was supposed to have a fourth date this weekend with a very nice Midwestern guy I met on Craigslist. We'd emailed and chatted. We were supposed to meet up two weeks ago but he canceled the day of because he was sick. Then he went out of town and our raincheck was set for today. I just looked and we have emailed 32 times to schedule and reschedule our first date. (This was before my five communications rule.) We had plans to meet up to play pub trivia. He confirmed yesterday and we were good to go for 7:00p this evening.

I got an email from him this morning saying, "I'm really sorry, but something's come up... I won't be able to make it out tonight." And that was it. I emailed back and his email address was deleted. All I can say is um... What?

Entertaining but Weird

I met up with Edward Jacob this morning for a coffee and farmer's market date. He was the first guy I've been excited to go out with since my breakup. I was on time and stoked. He was early. Things were looking up. I met Ed Jake on the online dating site (before I deleted my profile) and he promised me a great cup of coffee. I was not disappointed. The joe was delicious. The conversation was... interesting.

Ed Jake was entirely entertaining, so much so it bordered on absurdly weird. There were no awkward silences. Quite the contrary, Ed Jake was a chatty mother-freaking cathy. A government employee who once worked at a mental institution and one talkative dude. All in all we talked for over an hour and a half but I know very little about him. That being said, I did learn that if he eats too much red meat he can't handle the increased bile in his stomach. (Oh yes, he shared that tasty tidbit.) I also learned, in case you didn't know, that Pennsylvania is much nicer than Transylvania.

But nothing was more fun to learn than the idea that the Red Cross doesn't actually need the blood they collect for transfusions. They really collect it all to sell it to vampires. And did you know that the Red Cross only asks you all of those questions about your blood and blood type so they can place a value on it? Oh yes, apparently AB positive fetches a much higher price from the vampires than say... O negative. WTF. I'm not even exaggerating. He actually said all of this stuff. I know he was just doing a "bit" but, damn, it was weird. Entertaining but weird.

After an hour and a half of coffee and a tour around the farmer's market he asked if I wanted to go to a museum. I told him I had to get going. I know Papa Churn said that we should be shooting for a second date but I'm not sure I want to go out with a guy who said, "Can I say something rude? I wouldn't f*ck her with a borrowed d*ck" in reference to a girl he met at a party the night before. Again - I'm not making this stuff up. He actually said that to me. He was entertaining but weird and I'd be okay if we stopped at one date.

For the record: I bought my own coffee. And a refill.

The thing is

I don't know if I'm able to see/find/create any chemistry with someone I met online. I had another date yesterday and it honestly just feels like a business meeting. I enjoyed my time, but I have no emotion about either dating website date whatsoever. In fact, I've disabled my account on there.

Yesterday's date showed up almost a half hour late. He did call to say he was late. He's nice, but talked about work too much. I also learned random things about his food allergies that I think would have been better saved for a second date. Likewise, I had to take control of every situation - where to eat, talking to the host, the server, etc. The server was actually giving me bedroom eyes during the date. I think he could see my boredom.

I wonder if there is something about weaving online life into dating that causes people to move more quickly in terms of the getting to know you stuff. Like Tuesday's date - he kept wanting to know what I wanted, desperate for me to ask him questions. And yesterday, the guy asked me about my parents' divorce, which inevitably brought up the death of my father. He asked how he died. Tres gauche.

This, and recent exchanges with the Republican and the Vet are making me want to withdraw into myself. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to - emotionally - actively seek a date. I think I'm looking forward too much and not accepting my current situation. I can't just pick up where the Republican and I left off (with him or anyone) and be that close to settling down. I need to get over that and the anger around that first I think. Honestly, at this point, even if I were that close to settling down or what not, I don't know if I'd be able to trust it.

Lunch - he paid, no subsequent contact on his part

Pleasantly Awkward

I met up with Harry from speed dating tonight. We grabbed a drink. Or a soda. It lasted 43 minutes. Here's how it went down.

I was late for the date because I was stopped by a Census worker who didn't comprehend the fact that I didn't know the people who lived in my apartment in April. It was weird and totally unrelated. Moving on. So there I am - late, hungover and not wanting to leave my couch, let alone go out on a date.

I arrived 10 minutes late and Harry was at the bar drinking iced tea. He doesn't drink. Score! Hungover Betti got a ginger ale. Harry is really kind. Super nice, in fact. I would guess he is 20 years older than me. (That is at least ten years above my maximum age.) After about 49 seconds it was clear that it wasn't going anywhere and I wondered how long I have to stay. I hate that. How long is mandatory? How long constitutes a date? I decided to make my goal 45 minutes.

All in all the date was pleasantly awkward. Like I said, Harry was really nice. The conversation was sparse but pleasant. In fact, there was more silence than conversation. I asked the two lamest questions in the history of dating: "Do you come here often?" and "Have you seen any movies lately?" After 43 minutes I told him I had to get going. He suggested that he may email or text me but I kind of hope he doesn't ask me out again.

Oops. Missed a date.

This isn't me but this woman looks as miserable as I felt today.

I have a hangover. I went out with Belle last night and had more cocktails in one night than I did all of last month combined. The night was tons of fun and ended with me literally falling in the middle of the sidewalk in front of about 40 people. It was a good (or bad depending on how you judge it) fall, complete with "oh"s and "ouch"s and even one "damn. that's gotta hurt" from the crowd of onlookers.

I woke up this morning with a skinned knee, a damaged manicure and a hangover. A bad hangover. So bad in fact that I had to cancel a morning museum date with a guy I met on Craigslist. I emailed him and was honest. I told him that I had too much to drink the night before, couldn't drive and asked for a raincheck.

He was very cool about it and thanked me for my honesty. He asked for another date. Yay. So hopefully I'll see him next week.

Now I have to get my bruised and boozey butt off the couch so I can get ready for a drink date tonight with a guy I met at speed dating.

I honestly have no idea who this guy is - he's not the dance teacher. He may be the man in his 50s or the guy who invited me for a midnight swim. I can't remember who was who. Oops. I only hope I don't puke on him. I also hope I don't smell like booze. I was too much of a mess to find an outfit so I just picked yesterday's clothes off the floor. Yeah, I'm that guy. Wish me luck.

Let's go slowly (discouraged)

Two dates in as many days.

Last night - I met up with a guy I met on an online dating site. He's nice enough, though seemed overly interested in making sure my picture was representative of me - and I don't think in the "is she fat" way. Like in the "does she have legs" way. We met up at a bar on 14th and talked longer than I thought we would. He kept asking if I had questions for him. Do people go to these things with a list of questions in hand? Anyways, he would like to see me again. I guess my abundance of limbs won him over. (*knock knock)

Tonight - the Vet took me to dinner and a play at the Kennedy Center. It was actually a lot of fun and much needed after a really shitty week at work. The play was funny and he didn't try to get in my pants after (churning rules!). I learned more about his family and his life growing up. It's just very easy to be with him.

And of course, this afternoon, my ex, the Republican, bbms me after 2 weeks + of no contact. It's about scars he got from when we were having sex. I ignored it. I'm just going to sit and be proud of not contacting him for 2 weeks.

UGH fine. I bbmed back tonight. But I was very detached. So there.

Last night - he paid

Tonight - he paid

I have another date Sat with another man from the website. I might push it back just b/c I need the emotional space (and I can meet my quota next week!). The Vet found my profile on there too, so I'm more inclined to ditch that particular site.

I'm too obsessive for online dating sites

I have an obsessive personality. I'm not OCD or anything but I tend to get obsessed over things -- a new dress or a book or a new activity (I'm currently obsessed with learning to like to dance). When I signed up for an online dating site I caught myself getting obsessed. I downloaded the iPhone app. I checked my page constantly. I couldn't help but "wink" and "message" and check out my "visitors". If you're wondering, yes, I did all of those things that I make fun of when it comes to online dating.

If you add the time I spent on the online dating site to the time I spent online for work plus the time I spent on sites like Facebook and Blogger I was spending all of my time on the computer. There have been 51 days in DC this summer where the temperature has reached the 90s and would be sitting at home after a long day with a laptop on my lap heating me up. Literally.

Then I had the experience with the "You're still alive" texting guy and I was like ahhh! I communicated with this guy over 50 times in five days and I never met him - a five day "webationship", if you will. So I made a decision to cancel the account and do more things outside. No more computer.

But I know that will need to use the interwebs so get dates and fill the churn quota so I'm looking for meetup groups and things to do. I'm finding classes and groups and activities. And when there are no prospects I'm going to Craigslist. If you've never used Craigslist to find a date - don't knock it. I know people who have literally found love on Craigslist. And not one-night horizontal-mambo love but real-life, best friend forever love.

I have my first Craigslist date this weekend. Wish me luck. And in the meantime I'm going to keep looking for active groups of people doing active things so I can get off the computer and into the fresh air and sunshine. I hope I meet Mr Right while he's shaking or baking or candlestick making. I'll be refreshed and gorgeous and he'll look a little bit like that hot guy from Criminal Minds mixed with the hot guy from CSI... oh and maybe the guy from Prison Break with a dash of John Hamm and Jordan Catalano and also Jack, Jin and Sawyer from Lost. Add he'll have a British accent and lots of tattoos with an Ivy league education and a knack for cooking and I'll be set.

Then I'll wake up and actually meet Mr Wonderful (who will be totally normal) while he's walking with one of my freinds and I'm running with my dog. I'll be sweaty, stinky and gross because that's the way the real world works.

The Internet is for....CHURN

Hello my pretties,

Papa Churn is pleased with your work as I sit here stroking the ends of my mustache, the dating is good! However before I get on to my subject of the week, some advice and a summary of our Churnlings thus far,

Belle-The Dentist sounds awesome, push it further but keep it cool and chillaxed. Three date minimum! By the by, I totally would have gone on the weekend away to Atlanta!

Rick.Mark.Steve.-don't waste your time on people who don't know how to date or don't want to-The Swede sounds like a good egg!

Claudia-What was the argument about? This guy sounds a bit nuts I hope he is cute as hell. Three date minimum! Give him the chance to a) make it up to you b) screw it up to give you an end point c) get a joint for papa churn.

Betti-Gold star thus far and by far the most dates, but I feel like your going to burn out, pace yourself pretty lady. I kind of want you to go on a date with crazy text man for two reasons 1) It will be highly entertaining for me 2) He sounded like a nice guy, yes a bit dependent but he got you excited for a reason whether it's email or phone.....which nicely brings me on to our titular subject: the internet.

Back when Papa Churn was just a young buck who'd arrived in the Capitol with nothing but a backpack and a cheesy grin knowing not a soul I decided to embark on the churn so that I could date and meet someone, but also to hopefully make some friends. The internet is your best friend but can be your worst enemy. It is easy peasy to get a date a week with craigslist, match.com etc etc but much more difficult to make a date stick. I went on a thousand first dates but could never get a second date. This is the first rule of internet dating: GET A SECOND DATE.

The next rule regards what Betti went through: don't fall into a textual relationship; a 'webationship.' There was this guy I met on match.com, we'll call him Angry Man because that is his name, he was movie star hot, so I emailed him and we went back and forth and soon enough we began g-chatting every single night but were both so busy with work we never ever got around to actually meeting. We did start to talk on the phone and he sounded a little like Matthew Mcconaughey, which as a British person, a hot gravelly Southern accent is like oral porn, however we kept getting into the most heated debates/arguments on the phone, about the stupidest things; like which flavor cheesecake was better, things there were no right or wrong answers to. He would boss me around and tell me what to do which I kind of liked, but after a while it started to piss me off. However we both totally got off on the verbal friction. It was like we were an old badly married couple. We began to argue a lot more and then I was in NYC one weekend and he kept calling me saying he missed me and when was I coming back and of course we got into a huge fight and it was then that I actually realised...I had never met this person. We had had an entire relationship on the phone. We argued so much we couldn't even agree on where to meet! But we had such passion. We never met and sometimes I look back and ponder what would it have been like if we'd met? Would we have ripped each others clothes off or argued all the way down the aisle? It was a pseudo marriage; I knew everything about this guy, what brand of apples he bought to the names of his dogs. Betti was smart and pulled herself out of her webationship and tried to meet him, however I do think if at all possible you should still give him a shot, in a very public open place where I am watching with binoculars and a tazer.

The rules for internet dating are simple:
Meet the person soon,
Try and talk on the phone, you can tell a lot more about them from their voice then their text. Remember how brave you all are online?
Never use emoticons with people you've never met.
Don't comprise a message with TLA's (Totally Lame Abbreviations: LOL, BTW, BFF-you're not a Jonas Brother)
Don't put off meeting them.
Three date minimum rule especially applies here as people are so strange on first dates especially from match.com.
Safety first (Meet in a safe place and never get into their car)
Keep and open mind
The only escape clause from the three date minimum is if they are a troll.

Good luck!
Papa Churn

No more than five communications

I was supposed to meet a guy to watch a baseball game on Saturday afternoon but it didn't happen. And I'm okay with it for two reasons: 1) I had speed dating last week so I met my weekly quota; and 2) He kind of creeped me out. (Insert rewinding noises to accompany the text "12 days ago".)

I met this dude on an online dating site. He seemed great. We had a lot in common -- both have dogs, huge baseball fans, similar professions. He was really funny and charming. He was cute. I kind of liked him. I looked forward to his emails. We "friended" eachother on Facebook. Then I realized I had never met him! I was getting excited to "talk" (read: email) to a guy I had never even seen. We had made a date to watch a game but it was still more than a week away and I wanted to meet him in person. I was finally excited. Yay! So then I did this thing that I do when I like someone -- I read all of our past communications. And then I grew concerned. I realized we had written each other 35 emails in three days. That's crazy, right? Right.

I emailed him and said that I thought we should meet up soon because we had emailed so many times. I was afraid we were falling down a virtual rabbit hole where you think you know someone, develop an online relationship and realize you've been communicating with an 89 year old dude with a shrunken Beatlejuice head who hadn't seen daylight since the Nixon administration. So I told him I thought we should meet and asked if we could get together for a quick drink the following night (last Saturday). He replied and asked what I was looking for in a relationship. You may remember my response from "I probably broke every dating rule".

Me:
I can tell you what I don't want. I am not looking for someone that has a girlfriend or a wife or wants something sexually casual. Becoming friends, hanging out and getting to know someone better slowly is one thing and I'd be interested in that. Casual sex partners isn't something I'm into. I'm not saying you are, but I thought I'd throw it out there in case that was a question.

Him:
That is exactly what I want. Exactly. Only I want someone I can't live without.

Kind of awesome. Cute? Yes. Relieved? Yes. Small red light regarding co-dependency issues? Yes. But still I hadn't scared him away so, kind of awesome. I write back and say awesome and ask about the drink the following day. At this point it is 4:45p on Friday afternoon. We had emailed many times that day. I left work at 6:00p and still hadn't heard back. Weird. I went out (had plans with a friend) and didn't check my email until the following morning.

Him at 10:45p:
What are you doing tonight?

Him at 10:55p:
Here is my number - 123-456-7890 (not his number). Call or text me.

I have a standing workout appointment at 8:30a every Saturday morning. I got up and saw that he had emailed me twice the night before so I write back.

Me at 8:01a:
Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I was out at a friend's house. She was showing me pics from her trip abroad. Are you free tonight for a drink? Let me know. Here's my number - 123-456-7890 (not my number either).

Him at 8:04a:
I guess you're not interested anymore.

Him via text (first text) at 8:10a:
You're so beautiful.

This is where I start to get weirded out. Really? Dude, I just gave you my number and asked if you wanted to get a drink that day. What part of that says I'm not interested? And then the text. Kind of creepy since we've never met in person but benefit of the doubt - very nice. Thank you.

So I go workout. I was really late because I stopped to email him and, to be honest, I was totally late all on my own. So I didn't write back until I finished the workout.

Me via text at 10:15a:
Thank you.

Him via text at 10:25a:
You're still alive!!!

Um, what? Creepy? Yes! Seriously? I hadn't written back in two hours before 10a. I could have been up to pee, get a glass of water or walk the dog and gone back to bed. Stores aren't open before 10a. I have some friendships that have been threatened if I text before 10a. This is getting weird, right?

Me via text at 10:45a:
Haha. Yes, I was working out.

Him via text at 11a:
Training for the olympics?

Me via text at 10:15a:
No, just practice.

Then nothing. Then I start to get even more weirded out. Plus it's hot. Really hot. This summer sucks. Then I realize how much I do not want to get ready in the heat two hours earlier than necessary (I had a friend's birthday party to attend) for a dude that was creeping me out.

Me via text at 2:30p:
Hey there. Haven't heard from you about tonight so I'm guessing you're going to the show and you're busy. But I'll see you for the game next week. Have a great night.

I may have sabotaged this. I admit that. But I was creeped out. And hot. And tired. And kind of wanted to sit on my couch and drink a cocktail and not get ready to go out. Plus I had just gone out with the rat guy two days earlier. So I was okay with it. The "You're still alive" text gave me the ick.

Then Saturday came and went and I never heard from him. So I unfriended him on Facebook today and consider that chapter closed.

New rule: No more than five communications with someone before meeting them in person.

Probably should have thought this one through

I had accepted a date with the Vet for this past Saturday. It was to be our first date...dip the toes in, see how things go etc. Having this first date be at a birthday party for one of his friends - probably not the best idea.

He picks me up a little late, because he had fallen asleep, and we cab to Georgetown. At the bar where he's a regular, we get some drinks and chat with his friends. There is a group meeting there before boarding a party bus to National Harbour. When his friends ask him to bartend while they go out back to smoke, I started thinking "Perhaps I should sneak out now." Ordinarily I would have, but trying to avoid drama and to push myself, I stayed on. His friends are mostly alcoholics with a penchant for drama (pot.kettle.black), so of course the night involved a fight between the bday girl and her boyfriend. Him drunkenly running off and the bday girl being carried out of the bar to the bus. I felt like a den mother.

The rest of the date ("date") went well. We went to a few other bars, danced, etc. The Vet was pretty drunk by this point and starting taking what I was saying and turning it into something weird. A fight ensues and he heads home.

Yesterday he realized what an ass he was being and has been groveling since. I'm not sure if the perks of his groveling are worth it. He plans on taking me on a real date Wednesday. I might as well give it a shot.

I also have a date with a guy I met online Tuesday. OH! I also went out of my comfort zone and messaged someone on a dating site. My first ever. I don't think he'll respond, but that's ok. He's just a Democrat version of my Republican ex anyways.


Who paid: him
Bonuses: 2 joints and a ride to work this morning

and we shall call it hot mess...

so i neglected to mention that i met a boy thursday night. he's cute. 25. in law school. and has a ridiculous body. so we shall call him 8-pack (cause he has an 8 pack without even trying...i swear i like carbs too much for that to ever happen)...and he's a really good kisser.

we'll ignore this except that i have a date with him this week. so continue on to friday...

meet up for a happy hour and all the churners in dc were in attendance. was quite fun to catch up in person and chat. helped put some things in perspective and think about what i want out of this whole experience.

later in the evening went to the dance party where i was supposed to chat with cato.

i had had a few drinks before arriving. and it was open bar when i arrived. so clearly i had two drinks in my hand (hey hey! i'm on a budget! gotta take advantage of these things while you can).

next thing i know, cato taps me on the shoulder. we chat for a hot second but avoid any real conversation. he goes back to his friends.

then i start dancing with friends. they have some drama they need to take care of. i might be a lil tipsy. i go downstairs to sit at bar and chat with other friend. as we're chatting, in walks mutual friend of hirshhorn who i met at concert on monday...we shall call him swede (he's swedish).

we chat. start flirting. next thing i know, we're dancing upstairs. and by dancing i mean dancing. like daaaaancing. might have made out with him for a lil bit on the dancefloor too. i dont know why i do these things (alcohol has nothing to do with it i swear).

oh but wait, who do i spot in the corner? pink sock.

yes. yes. this has officially turned in to a dating nightmare.

i'm drunk. making out with swede (a friend of hirshhorn). i'm in plain view of cato who i still may or may not have feelings for. and pink sock is staring me down from the corner.

this is definitely at least the fifth circle in the dante's the divine comedy. for. realz.

hell.

so what's a guy to do?

get another drink. obvi.

i dance some more. i simply avoid all goings on around me. pay attention to my friends and swede.

and then its 2am. so i go home with swede.

honestly. honestly.

i mean. maybe its not horrible because at least pink sock will now understand the picture that i dont want to date him, or at least am going to be dating other people. and cato? i mean do i want to date someone who's weird with dating? like does it ever turn out well for people who have to pull someone in to dating or wait for them to be ok with it? i mean i know i dont want to deal with that, i just like him. but that's not a good enough reason to try and wait it out for him and avoid other people.

aaaaand as for the whole swede being friends with hirshhorn. so hirshhorn still has yet to reply to my cute email from friday. and surprisingly im not freaking out about it. i mean, if he isnt going to respond to that, then clearly he's not the type i want to date. well, maybe not clearly, but i need more communication than this. i mean, maybe he's busy, maybe he has this going on or that going on, but still. i'm busy and i can make it happen, so should someone i date.

so while a hot mess, maybe it will all work out for the best?

and this churning week shall be an interesting one. i have late dinner and drinks with swede after bocce on tomorrow night. and then late drinks with 8pack wednesday.

both could not be more opposite. swede is swedish (obvi). red headed. beard. 32. works in IT for the gubment. likes dorky things like star galactic or something like that. then we have 8pack who has a ridiculous body. law school. young. latin. sweet and smart. its like both of these guys represent two distinct parts of my personality.

oh the competing interests. this shall be fun.

churn baby, churn!

song for this post:

just dance - lady gaga. cause thats what friday was like.

and we shall call him cato...

so was sort of dating this kid. we shall call him cato because we have inside jokes about the cato institute since their building is literally between our two apt complexes.

anywho, cato and i went out for maybe a month and a half. like 6 dates or so. things were going really well, but after a while i realized i was usually the one initiating everything.

and the conversations are good. he's witty. he's fun. but there wasnt an incredible spark. altho he is a really good kisser and fun to roll around with. but that's getting a lil too far in to this.

so yeah. i sorta let things die after many a talk with betti about this kid. decided i didnt think he wasnt interested in me, i just thought he wasnt interested in a relationship. which kinda makes me sad. cause i did genuinely like him and he's pretty much perfect for me on paper too. dont judge.

so anywho. we still gchat. we still facebook. so today, here's our gchat convo:

me: so...

(begin slighltly awkward convo)

cato: lol

me: clearly dating didn’t work out, but I did have fun hanging out, and you are kinda witty…so we should hang out again soon

cato: are you going to Raw tonight?

me: yeah...im gonna go with (mutual friend), we're gonna have dinner and i can hear about his great travels, ill become jealous, and then get a drink to woe my sorrows and dance with hipsters

cato: oh (mutual friend)

god we know the same people

me: well

we are both gay

and living in the same city

it happens

cato: ha, truth

well let's make sure to chat at Raw tonight and yes, I'd be up for hanging out

(I'm kind of weird about dating)

me: okies...ill make sure to avoid you for 30 minutes then accidentally bump in to you and be awkward

cato: lol

I'm awesome at being awkward though

this is what i hate about dating.

thought i was over him. had finally let it lie. but figured, hey, i should be grown up and be friends with him. he's fun. we live a few blocks away from each other. lets all be adults.

then he's like, im weird about dating we should definitely chat. now im all, what if does want to date? what if he just doesnt know if he can commit? blah blah blah CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY. literally. what. the. fuck. why cant i just date and take things like they come? why do i have to try and read in to things and get excited over the most minute possibilities?

i wish i could just go on dates, be happy they are fun, or have a good story if it goes bad, and go from there. why do i have to put soooo much behind every interaction? i dont do this with my friends. i barely even read in to anything with my friends. i just take it as it comes. but with dating its a whole other story.

so yes. churn away good friends. churn away.

song for this post:

crazy by gnarls barkley. no explanation needed.

hirshhorn part dos...

sorry been a lil neglect at posting.

so hungout with hirshhorn again. got in touch with him and invited him to watch a movie at a friends place.

wait.

that sounds awkward. let me explain.

my friend lives in his neighborhood. he has a projector. we watch movies in his backyard and he projects the movie on to the fence. and we sit outside, have some beers and watch movies like the goonies or red dawn or point break etc. its fun. so i figured he should join. let him get to know me better and know some of my friends to know i hang with good people.

he came. we had fun. had some beers. some good laughs. walk him home. HUG AGAIN. but still whatever. we were on 16th in mt pleasant.

anywho. see him again the next night at a concert at 930 club with the mutual friends we know. big hug. directs conversation at me. really good short conversation.

then i go to lunch this week with our mutual friend he's known for like 17 years. ya know. the one i met "online"...anywho.

having lunch. im like, 'so i have a crush on hirshhorn.'

online: 'yeah, he's a really good guy.'

topic of conversation changes. 5 minutes later.

me: 'so back to self interest time...'

online: 'what?'

me: 'yeah, so if i were to pursue hirshhorn, give me tips'

online: ::weird faces:: then talks about how the last guy he dated he never would have guessed they would have dated, it was odd, blah blah. 'but i could see the two of you together. he likes his down time. introverted. good guy'

me: ::thinks to self, wow, youve know him 17 years and this is ALL you are giving me?!:: 'ummm so is he the pursuer or the pursued?'

online: 'well hes an introvert so he likely wont make the first move'

which therein lies the problem. ive already made a first move. i wasnt rejected. but how do i make a second move without being too much? like wtf. so now i have to pursue, which i can do, i just dont know how to read people in dating usually until its too late.

so im sending him an email today to see if he wants to teach me world of warcraft techniques or he can show me how to make a hungarian dish of food or something else low key (those are all things he likes, im trying to bring this back to him...i hope thats the right strategy)...

so yeah. fingers crossed.

song for this post:

clarity - john mayer

It's Been so Long I Could Have Given Birth...

Well it’s been awhile…nine months to be exact...

I have to admit I let my churning slide last year when Betti stopped about the same time I met someone. Although the man I met didn’t turn into a traditional relationship, he has been the source of lots of excitement, frustration, emotions, and drama during the last nine months. Due in part to this new guy and traveling for work and the holidays, I wasn’t able to keep dating my DC men.

That’s not to say I haven’t gone on dates since November. I have, and am looking forward to full-blown churning again!

To kick things off for our first week, I went out with a man we shall call “the dentist” because, well…he is a dentist. Betti and I met him and his friends one night in March and they invited us to go to Atlanta with them the next weekend. It’s such a good thing that I work at a non-profit and don’t have a lot of extra cash or I would have bought a ticket right then and there. In the morning light the next day, we came to our senses and passed on the trip. However, I have continued to go out with him periodically and I actually have a great time.

This week we hit up U Street for drinks at Marvin and then to see one of my favorite bands at Jojo. It was fun. We met up with some of his friends--it’s sad to admit…but it really is fun being shown off and he was definitely parading me around to his friends. Ha! Well, I was wearing an amazing outfit and my new favorite heels.

I skipped speed dating this weekend with the ladies because I didn’t want to spring for the $30, and I’m glad I did since the Ambassador guy was there.

I’ve already lined up a date for this Sunday with a guy I met at my birthday party a few weeks ago so more to come…

For the record: he paid and drove me home

That's a...

Falls Church is a dealbreaker.*

I learn new things about myself every day!


*And yet dating a man with a picture of Reagan on his bedroom wall wasn't.

It's like being on hallucinogens

Hi Boys!
(This is not my friend.)

I have a friend who used to say, "hiii booyys!" and it always made me laugh. She mainly said this when we were in college, immature (as all 19 year olds should be) and obviously hilarious. But lately I've had her in my head. I see a dude and she's in my head saying, "Hi boys!" I was literally just crossing the street on the way to my office and this really attractive guy almost tripped and instead of saying, "Are you okay?" I stayed silent and stared at him because in my head I heard my friend saying , "hiii booyys!" Yeah, I am socially inept.

Being single and smack dab in the middle of the heart-healing process is like being on hallucinogens. I feel like my pupils must be bigger or something because suddenly there are some mighty attractive men in the capital city. Hi boys!

EAT PRAY CHURN

Hello Churnlings,

Tis I Papa Churn returned from a distant strange land (London) to encourage, berate, irritate and advise you churnlings. What experience do I have I hear ye yell? I was taught by the master of churn, my sister Madame Beef and am now well versed in the ancient art of dating.

Firstly the purpose of Churn has no specific purpose, it is what you make it but the fundamental strategy is to put you outside of your normal comfort zone. Is it hard? Yes. Does it take time and energy? Hells yeah. Finding true love is a hard process, but if it was easy it wouldn't be worth as much.

Firstly snaps to all of the our churners who have met the August 1st deadline with real vigor! Here are some mantras to help you along the way:

1. Be honest. Cheesy but true, don't play games and don't lead people on, be up front and clear from the beginning, you don't have to over share but if you're not interested in someone don't lead them on.
2. Treat others how you wanted to be treated. Simple but effective.
3. Keep an open mind. The likelihood is that you won't meet your true love jumping from a plane skydiving with a bunch of strangers but putting yourself in new situations helps to open your mind and encourages you to think about people you may have initially rejected.
4. Assume anything and you make an ASS out of U and ME. See what I did there? Don't assume that just because he's an accountant he'll be boring. Don't assume because he calls you straight after your date he loves you. Keep your horizon of expectation a nice flat spirit level.

Repeat these basic mantras churnlings and you will succeed!

Go forth and churn my pretties!

Speed dating in four minutes.

This isn't me. It's a pic on the first page of results when you
put "speed dating" into a Google image search.

I've used the blog recently to process through my feelings about my former relationship and while it's helping me it probably isn't very entertaining to read about. So here is an attempt to give you to lowdown on speed dating in four minutes.

How does it work?

• Essentially, in straight speed dating, all of the women sit in one place and the men rotate to each lady. You get four minutes to talk and see if there is spark. 
• There is no selecting who you want to spend time with. You talk to each person for the full time. Sometimes the four minutes flies by and other times it feels like you're getting stabbed in the eye with a needle for eternity. Okay, that may be a bit dramatic. Maybe it's more like having a mosquito buzz in your ear for four minutes. It's annoying but not painful and you're stoked when it goes away. 
• Everyone has a name tag with their name and a number. Like I would be Betti #123.
• You get a sheet of paper for notes and you write down the person's name, number, something memorable about them and whether or not you're interested in seeing them again.
• It is very difficult to take notes. You only have four minutes (which can actually fly by) and you have to write down who people are and whether or not you dig them. Which can be kind of awkward. What are you supposed to write, "Dbag, no thanks." Weird.

Who did I talk to?

• About 50% of the crowd were in IT or engineering.
• There was one guy who "moved to DC for a woman". He said it in response to every question. Eek. Sorry dude. They broke up eight months ago and he led with that. I think I'm further along in the healing process than that guy.
• A dude who asked who my celebrity crush was then practically jizzed in his pants talking about Selma Hayek.
• A guy who invited me for a midnight swim then asked if I would respond if he emailed me. He kind of gave me the ick but I didn't feel unsafe so I said yes. It's all about the churn.

A new leaf. And popping.

I went to speed dating tonight. It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster but all in all it was amazing! I am a new woman. I am revitalized. I feel good. I am excited. I'm not only ready to meet the love of my life but ready to have fun dating and meeting new people while I look for him.

When I first arrived at speed dating is was B-U-M-bummed. Claudia got sick and couldn't make it so I had to fly solo. I was dreading it. Worrying if I was going to make eye contact with anyone and wishing I could go home before it began. If I hadn't paid $30 up front I probably would have spent the night on my couch in my Target brand cheerleader shorts eating ice cream and watching Shark Week. But I paid the money so I went.

The first person I saw was the dude who Belle met last time we went speed dating. He was there. Again. And I couldn't judge because I was a repeat offender as well. I overheard him on the street talking about someone having shingles (ew?), took a deep breath, went inside and got a Magic Hat #9. (If you're wondering, no - he didn't recognize me. We had a four-minute mini date later in the evening and he didn't remember that a) we had a four-minute mini date last year or b) we sat across a table from each other for several hours on a double date one night last fall while he tried to woo Belle.)

As the dating started I was asked the same questions over and over again -- Where are you from? What do you do? How long have you been in DC? What do you do in your free time? Blah. Blah Blah. But then, it happened. This guy sat down. And he was different, in a cool way. He had purple hair and leather around his wrists. And I don't know how it came up but I told him that I was afraid to dance.

Side note: I am Brandon Walsh. I don't dance. When I'm sober. I've been known to cut a rug if I've had 37 too many but in general I don't dance. I don't like it because I stink. I'm horrible. Terribly intimidated and afraid of looking stupid. But I decided a couple weeks ago that this is the year I learn to like to dance. Not sure if that made sense so I'll type it again: learn to like to dance. I've been looking for dance classes.

Turns out this purple haired edgy dude is a dance teacher! I got so excited. And it wasn't fake it 'til you make it excitement but actual excitement. Huzzah! I immediately felt a change. My pulse quickened. My smile was genuine. And my eyes no longer felt sad.

I'm turning over a new leaf.
Ha! Get it? Do you see it?
It's a "new" leaf.

As a result I'm making some changes. I'm going to look at churning with a new perspective. I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm going to do the following things:

1. Delete my online dating profile. (I'll explain why I don't think online dating is for me soon.)
2. Sign up for a dance class. I will learn to like to dance! I'm either going to try popping or hip hop. Either way, this white girl whose hips only go in a rectangle is going to bust-a-move!
3. I am going to do new things - sign up for events and activities. If I am going to spend time online it's going to be to find a field trip destination with real-life people, not talking to a 31 year old dude that may actually be 900 years old with a shrunken head like in Beetlejuice.
4. Try to have fun. I am sure that this is a temporary high. I will likely be sad again soon. I anticipate this (healing process) will continue to be a series of ups and downs. But I am going to strive to have new, exciting experiences and remember that dating is just meeting new people. And I like meeting people.

I was talking with an acquaintance (and new friend - yay - I love new friends) this morning about dating and breakups and all the things that go wrong. (It's funny, when people find out you just got out of a relationship they like to talk about their dating woes.) Her advice was to do things you like so you have fun and find people who have similar interests and actually like to *do* what you like.

For example, reading that someone likes to climb trees on their online profile is very different than meeting someone while you're climbing a tree. (Note: I haven't climbed a tree in years. I will add this to the list.)

This plan is genius is in its simplicity. I'm going to *do* things that I like and try new things to see what else I find fun. And I'm going to start with a popping class. It's going to be epic. And maybe, just maybe, I'll get an email from the purple haired dance instructor.

This is the song that accompanies this entry. It's about heartbreak but I think it's fun. And I am determined to find the fun from my heartbreak. Taio Cruz - Break Your Heart ft. Ludacris

Also, this is Bryan Gaynor popping on So You Think You Can Dance, in case you're wondering what it is. Obviously I will look like a giant asshole or maybe a giant goofball. Either way, I've decided to embrace it.  Then after I teach myelf to like dancing, I'm going to work on hugs. Papa Churn would be so proud.