1% DR

I hit my quota of 1 date/week this week (and then some). But to start with last Sunday's date, things started out strong. We met up at a bar, had some drinks, nibbled, and gazed at the olympics up on the big screen. Dr. 1% (it's coming), was charming, funny, and at least somewhat resembled his online dating profile. Prior to us going out he'd had 1 major red flag going against him: using old-school text speak.

"How r U",  "me 2!".

Judgmental me cringes literally every time I see that sort of texting come through. With the advent of smartphones, I like to see full sentences.

That said, he was clearly smart (is in the middle of his residency), and had no problems carrying a conversation. Phew. After Mr. Awkward Laughter, being able to banter is definitely a critical piece of finding someone. So we chatted, ordered another round and grabbed some pizza to share. He took my food restrictions in stride and totally embraced the limitations I put out there.

We had some easy back and forth about current events, and then touched a tiny bit on politics. Disclaimer: I'm definitely liberal leaning and politics are always a tough thing to discuss, especially on a first date.

In the midst of this rapport, he throws out the fact that sometimes it's hard for him to take such a stand, because "you know, [he's] definitely going to be a part of the 1%."

A couple hundred warning bells sounded in my head, but alcohol and my upbringing kept me giggling as I changed the topic. Yeesh. We ended the night by playing some bar games, and despite that verbal snafu, I have to admit, I had a blast. His medical profession means he works some weird hours, which I'm trying to reconcile, but it was probably a 4 out of 5 stars for a 1st meeting. That comment sticks out in my mind, as does the fact that he drives a porsche and owns a condo. And that 1% may seem small, but in fact represents a world of difference between us.

He's since followed up and we have a 2nd date on Monday. I can't decide if I'm going because I'm a) a glutton for punishment b) curious as to what else he'll say or c) still a bit interested despite that comment.

My guess is d) a little of all of the above.

Sunday Date

Is it normal to not feel excited for first dates? I'm meeting up with an anesthesiologist tonight. While I think his profession may provide for some excellent conversation fodder, (How, exactly, does one get into that line of work? Can anyone spell it?), I can't help but feel ambivalent about going.

Maybe it's because Ben and I broke things off this afternoon and I'm feeling utterly emotionally drained, but I'm just not into it. I need to snap into it-- but I think some of this could be coming from the whole online dating thing again. It's hard to feel jazzed about someone I haven't met yet and who may look nothing at all like their photo on the internets... I'm stopping myself here before I dissect everything that could possibly be wrong with him.

Maybe I should play some dance music so I can get into the right frame of mind. Let's just go have fun.

More later on how this goes.

Fake Coupling.

I have a confession to make.

Well, a couple. If I was speaking to a priest, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned", would not even begin to cover it-- this is a story of a fake couple moment in which I completely indulged.

I backslid with the one and only unobtainable Ben. (Remember him? Handsome nerd, coworker, had a super serious gf?)

I backslid a lot.... and in a way that's incredibly inexcusable. I could try to come up with reasons (work stress, health scares, loneliness-- all true, but pathetic all the same), but really, who am I kidding? I did exactly what I wanted to in letting him back in and it all culminated in a "weekend of fun" together. Things kicked off on Thursday night when he came over for takeout and a movie. It was to be our very first opportunity for a sleepover, and allow us to get really cozy with each other. Thursday night was actually nothing short of enchanting, and waking up in his arms felt amazing. We both took off Friday from work and had an utterly couplelicious day. (yes, i know it's not a word, but bear with me). We lounged in my apt, grabbed a late breakfast, went to the pool, ate leftovers, failed to leave my apt to go play mini-golf, and then went our separate ways to get fancy for dinner. (A place where he had actually made reservations for us in advance.)

My joy about our fancy dinner was quickly squashed when I realized that he had booked us reservations in a place one of my boys lovingly refers to as "the gayborhood". Obviously, he had not only given some thought to taking me someplace nice, he had also determined exactly which area we could go to without fear of being caught. His, "you know, I never come here...", was really not lost on me. Our original (or so I thought), plans to go out for drinks were also tabled because he expressed feeling under the weather. This may be true, but I have my doubts.

Back to my place we went for a movie and playtime alone in my space. This was also charming, and we had another (seemingly?) great time.

The next morning, aka today, we awoke to him proclaiming still feeling sick and needing to skedaddle for some time with his boys. I asked if we were still on for this evening, and he reassured me that of course we were.

I almost believed him. As he methodically packed up his things, I couldn't help but feeling utter twinges of doubt. I had wanted to confront him at brunch this morning regarding our ridiculous situation, but he seems to be able to sniff out my every move before I can fully formulate the thought. (Sidenote: Someone, please, let me know what my tell is so I can work on it.) I calculated the odds of him showing tonight, and put them at 10-90 for.

We texted this afternoon and firmed up our plans to meet at my place around 9.

9 rolled around. As did 9:20, 9:30, 9:45 before I finally texted. I was giving him until 10:00 before I pulled the - "you're obviously not coming, so I'm heading out". But, I wanted to give him one last chance.

Why do we always do this? Seriously, ladies, back me up here-- you know it's going downhill, you can pull your move or be a doormat, but in that critical moment- you give up the power to a question, for one more soul-sucking moment of disappointment.

So... I finally heard back. Some accident on 14th street, blah, blah. He was still feeling sick, so sorry, and heading to bed.

I can't pretend I'm not upset. But I have No one but me to blame in this situation. I bit my tongue on the phone. (I called to get the final clarity I needed.) We're on for a farmer's market hangout tomorrow where I fully intend to end this entire thing. FO REALS this time. No regrets, no looking back. My intentions at sweetness and questions obviously won't work. And I can't pretend that I'm not having a conversation with myself that's straight out of "he's just not that into you".

As for tonight? I've booked myself into not just one, but two parties and need to find something seriously sexy to throw on. Hopefully, if the rest of my looks incredible, no one else will notice the traces of sadness etched on my face. This will probably be me later: Drunk Girls

On to salvaging Saturday night.

Un-matched.com

I'm starting to question whether online dating is really for me. I went all out with it and purchased a subscription to one of the sites that touts its algorithm as being among the best for creating lasting relationships. It's certainly done well in terms of the sheer number of matches it's been sending my way-- but there's rarely anyone that I'm excited to hear from.

I don't know if it's due to the entire premise of meeting someone online (lacking the natural progression and build up of meeting someone randomly) or if it's the fact that there are few people on the site that I'm even remotely attracted to. Either way, it makes it hard to keep my interest in the entire notion of meeting someone online.

It doesn't help that I obsess when there's finally someone who seems somewhat normal or attractive. When they fall off the map, it seems like a fruitless endeavor. Getting rejected from someone I've never even met seems like an extreme situation and maybe one that I should pull myself out of soon. 

Maybe I've just tapped out this market? yeeeesh. That's a brutal thought. But seriously, I've found maybe 3 attractive men to date (& one of them doesn't even live in this area). I went out with 1 (hello MAL) and the other dropped off. It seems really hard to warrant keeping this up when it's so clearly going nowhere.

I have one on-going communication taking place currently and if this also fails me, I think it'll be time to pull the plug on this whole endeavor.

I need to find a better plan of attack-- more brainstorming to come tomorrow. In the interim... fingers crossed and maybe this one last shot will get me somewhere. 

Accidental Romance with Finicky Creative

Said goodbye to the finicky creative this week-- he followed his dreams to the other coast and found hipster mecca. For his last night in the district, he asked to stay with me. I, (foolishly?), said yes immediately.

On his final evening I helped him pack up some final items and then we headed to the bar so he could say goodbye to some of his nearest and dearest. I've scaled back on my drinking, so I was sipping on one beverage throughout the course of the night. I watched his drinks and saw F.C. say goodbye to some of his best friends until it was down to us and a hipster girl who's long since had her sights on him. (She clearly loves me and has Just stopped short of baring her teeth at me to show her disdain for my presence.)

Ms. Hipster was clearly hoping he'd follow her home for a night- embracing the natural romance that exists for anyone's last night in a city. FC pointedly ignored her efforts, hugged her goodbye, and sent her off to bike away on her fixie. We cabbed back to my apt where he promptly pulled out some cigarettes and we lounged on my balcony for a couple of hours- talking away some of his fears about leaving and the upcoming changes to both of our lives.

As night turned to day, I couldn't hide my sleep deprivation any longer. For as much as I would have stayed awake all night just for the sake of spending more time with him, my eyelids had other ideas in mind. Sleeping is giving in.

We retired to my bed, and the awkward nature of our friendship showed its underbelly. He pulled me to him and I certainly wanted nothing more than his closeness. He asked if I was trying to seduce him and I asked if I should be. Knowing our history of physical disconnect I was really hesitant to go there: romantic last night or not. In a flurry of swirling emotions we started to make out and let the night go to where it wanted. With whispered "I'll miss you's" I couldn't say anything more about all of the feelings I had been harboring for him.

It's been a hard few days adjusting to life without being able to see F.C. every day- his wisecracks, awkward gait, and perpetual scent of marlboro reds are all imprinted in my brain in ways that I wish I had never let in, but all resulted in some of the strongest feelings I've had for anyone in a long time. He is my "never should have been" and remains the reason I need to churn.

Hopefully, with this distance between us: him on another coast and in another time zone, I'll actually be able to open myself up to someone new. (sorry again MAL, you never really stood a chance).


PS while FC's final night was probably not a date- he paid and presented me with parting gifts.

More spicy than sweet

I had not just one, but two dates with mr. awkward laughter (MAL) last week. I realize that doubling down on dates with one guy is probably not in the spirit of churning, but he seemed very gung-ho, so I figured I'd go along with it. "Why not" has often been a mantra of mine, but it frequently gets me into sticky situations.

Needless to say, this was no different. We hit up a movie night in my neck of the woods- more of the hipster scene than the Nova he represents. It was actually really fun to spend some time with him, hold hands, drink beers, and laugh at some kitschy films. That said, I question whether it was that fun since it required NO talking on either of our ends. MAL is incredibly nice, and as I've mentioned before, seems very sweet. In a word: vanilla.

But, I don't really jive with sweet. I really wish that I did- it'd be great to settle for Vanilla, and it would probably make my life a lot easier. I'm more of a spicy chocolate girl- cinnamon and often cayenne. Someone I really respect once called me out on the fact that as a Latina, I could never be satisfied with a traditionally "nice guy". I need someone who can handle my ups and downs and isn't afraid to put me in check. While I wish I could say he was wrong, he most definitely wasn't (& isn't).

So where does that take things with MAL? I fretted a bit after our movie date and asked him if he wanted to hang out in a few days. He promptly responded with a "yes" and planned a night for us. The night before our follow up date, he shot over a text around 10:30 saying he wanted to see me. The warning bells sounded, and red flags danced before my eyes. From my perspective this could only be one of two things:

1) He was not so subtly pushing me into girlfriend-landia. (TOO SOON, TOO SOON!!)
2) He was trying to push physical intimacy. (Again, Too Soon!)

Either option made me worry and I opted to not respond to his text. I had intended to shoot him a note early the next day to cancel on our plans for that night, but he beat me to the punch letting me know that he had bought tickets for the night. I didn't want to be That jerk, so I plotted an exit strategy and decided I'd leverage my exhaustion and ask to go home after the event. Per usual, he was a true gentleman-- drove me home and offered to pick up medicine so I could get better from my cold.

He followed up with me a couple of days later and asked what was up with the weird vibe- I confessed to freaking about his late night texts and thinking he wanted more of a booty call situation. He responded immediately with a text about how wrong I was-- but it was just the out I needed to get out of something I just wasn't that excited about.

MAL got more than the number of dates required by churning- but it's left me wondering if I have any idea what I want or how to go about getting it. Maybe another date will solve my confusion?

Arlington Date

Had my second date with Awkward Laughter last night & I'm still oh so very on the fence about him. He's very sweet and would probably fit a perfect checklist of what I want in a significant other- but it feels like we're missing a spark.

He took me to a lovely roof deck in Arlington last night- the weather was perfect for drinks and dinner outside. We bonded over a cheese plate and Bell's Oberon (so delicious). Big pro's from last night: he's looked up bands I mentioned I like, he speaks some spanish, he's Catholic-ish, and he owns a passport. Basically, he hits the real must-haves.

Here's my concern though. He's completely this person:

I don't know that being "Arlington" is a terrible thing- but I also don't know that it's a me thing. I ran away from the suburbs a while ago, and I kinda like it. Related: It's also tough to dive deeply into conversation with him. (I think) I'm a good conversationalist, so the fact that I can't get him to hold a back and forth is tough. He's sweet, but vanilla... He's arlington. I can't tell if I'm too used to the sordid weirdness of my other recent "relationships" to appreciate something normal or if this is actually a problem, but either way he wants to hang out again tonight. It seems like that's a little much, but I think he deserves one more shot.

Monster movie night- my territory, we'll see if that helps bring him out of his shell.