Said goodbye to the finicky creative this week-- he followed his dreams to the other coast and found hipster mecca. For his last night in the district, he asked to stay with me. I, (foolishly?), said yes immediately.
On his final evening I helped him pack up some final items and then we headed to the bar so he could say goodbye to some of his nearest and dearest. I've scaled back on my drinking, so I was sipping on one beverage throughout the course of the night. I watched his drinks and saw F.C. say goodbye to some of his best friends until it was down to us and a hipster girl who's long since had her sights on him. (She clearly loves me and has Just stopped short of baring her teeth at me to show her disdain for my presence.)
Ms. Hipster was clearly hoping he'd follow her home for a night- embracing the natural romance that exists for anyone's last night in a city. FC pointedly ignored her efforts, hugged her goodbye, and sent her off to bike away on her fixie. We cabbed back to my apt where he promptly pulled out some cigarettes and we lounged on my balcony for a couple of hours- talking away some of his fears about leaving and the upcoming changes to both of our lives.
As night turned to day, I couldn't hide my sleep deprivation any longer. For as much as I would have stayed awake all night just for the sake of spending more time with him, my eyelids had other ideas in mind. Sleeping is giving in.
We retired to my bed, and the awkward nature of our friendship showed its underbelly. He pulled me to him and I certainly wanted nothing more than his closeness. He asked if I was trying to seduce him and I asked if I should be. Knowing our history of physical disconnect I was really hesitant to go there: romantic last night or not. In a flurry of swirling emotions we started to make out and let the night go to where it wanted. With whispered "I'll miss you's" I couldn't say anything more about all of the feelings I had been harboring for him.
It's been a hard few days adjusting to life without being able to see F.C. every day- his wisecracks, awkward gait, and perpetual scent of marlboro reds are all imprinted in my brain in ways that I wish I had never let in, but all resulted in some of the strongest feelings I've had for anyone in a long time. He is my "never should have been" and remains the reason I need to churn.
Hopefully, with this distance between us: him on another coast and in another time zone, I'll actually be able to open myself up to someone new. (sorry again MAL, you never really stood a chance).
PS while FC's final night was probably not a date- he paid and presented me with parting gifts.
