so. hello.
new to this blog. new to this theory of churning. but i'm enjoying the thought.
so i'm gonna be the gay churner. hence the name rick.mark.steve. which if you dont know this reference (::cough cough::steel magnolias::cough cough::), you are either a straight male or a girl i dont ever want to be friends with. phew. glad we got that out of the way early.
lets make a few things about my dating history clear. ive only been in love once. ive never really made an effort to be in a relationship since then (about 4.5 years ago) because i realized how selfish i was in my life. i had fun meeting people and going on dates and general companionship, but knew i couldnt actually incorporate anyone in to my decision making process. i'm decent at dating. i know to listen to the other person rather than talk the whole time, ask questions, do fun things, and im creative at coming up with dates. but now i want it to be more than just dating.
now that ive finally settled in to a new job, a new life, and everything is going great in pretty much every other aspect of my life, i think im ready to finally call someone a boyfriend. to actually let myself be vulnerable and find the possibility of love again. who knows. its scary but exciting.
and the two things i think are almost synonymous with being gay and dating, but just want to make sure this is well-known.
1. i might on outward appearances with friends and family have all the confidence in the world. but when it comes to dating, confidence factor equals zero. i get nervous. i dont understand certain social cues. i second guess everything i do. i constantly ask friends for advice. i get text messages approved by at least two friends before i send it. its alot.
2. dating makes me crazy. im pretty sane in all other aspects of my life. however. the whole instant connection thing, facebook, texting, calling, work, email, iphone, blackberry, etc. makes me constantly feel like i'm in a scene from he's just not that in to you. again, refer to previous note.
on that note, i am starting my churning this week. i've decided that meeting someone for drinks to see if they want to go on a date qualifies as churning. so yeah. give it a few days. and you'll be hearing from me again.
