Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I Have Two Balls

I had a drink with Alejandro last night. I was early so I decided to make a pit stop. I really didn't want to sit there for a long time and look like I was waiting for a first date, because, in my opinion, you can totally tell the people who are sitting waiting for a blind/first date. They look awkward and nervous, etc. I wanted to minimize that time. I stopped off to get breath treats for my dog. (Her breath stinks.) I realized too late I had now had a giant bag of stinky dog treats weighing down my purse and stinking up my first date. Crap.

So there I am with a stinky bag hanging on the back of my chair, still five minutes early. Waiting. Waiting. I fidget, then I look at the menu. Four times. I'm not used to being early. I tried not to play with my phone too much and not to look like a chick meeting a dude she met on craigslist who could be a European little person for a first date. He arrived ten minutes late saying parking was tough. I ordered a glass of white wine immediately.

I had emailed Alejandro before I left the office to let him know what I was wearing so we could find one another. He replied saying, "Cool... Look for the guy with the sombrero hat ( kidding )... I'll find you!" I literally LOLed when I read it so I was hoping there would be laughter on the date as well. There was.

Okay, so first impressions: dude is funny, attractive and smells odd yet intriguing. He sat down and was accompanied by a combined scent of smoky Patouli and black pepper. Totally unique. He was wearing a thick gold chain with a large gold cross. I know it is closed-minded of me but I am sometimes weirded out by dates who wear a bold religious icon on their person. I was not raised religious and honestly feel more comfortable around non-practicing peeps. It certainly isn't a deal breaker, but if someone is super religious we probably wouldn't be a match. (Side note: I always wished a little bit that I had been raised with religion so I could choose whether or not to accept it. Also, I would be stronger when religion categories came up on Jeopardy.) Anyway...

He apologized for being late. And we talked and we laughed. He grew up between Italy and Romania. He said he was tired and that when he's sleepy his English gets worse. Why was he tired? Glad you asked. His neighbor got a rooster. A pet rooster! Is that even legal? What would you do if your neighbor got a pet rooster who woke you up at 6:00a on the nose every morning?

He is a huge soccer fan. Not a big baseball fan. (At this point I spent about five solid minutes telling him of the awesomeness of my favorite team and their stadium.) He said he found baseball boring but he had a baseball glove at home. I replied by asking if he had a ball so he could play catch. He then said that he had two balls. Okay. So. It took all of my inner strength not to giggle inappropriately when he said he had two balls. I am a 13 year old. There was no impression that he said it to be creepy or funny, he just said it, "I have two balls." Maybe the ball jokes don't translate. I am literally chuckling as I write thinking about how he said it.  "I have two balls..." Haha... It's still funny...

We talked for about an hour. He was really entertaining. He told me he was pleasantly surprised that I was normal. He said that he had received a number of really inappropriate emails from women with suggestive language and photos. I wrote about "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". It is finally occurring to me how naive I am when it comes to creepers on the interwebs.

I had told him when I arrived that I had prior plans with friends and could only stay for an hour. After the hour he asked if I had to go. I told him yes and he told me I didn't need to wait for him to finish paying the tab. I asked if he minded if I dug out and he assured me he didn't so I thanked him for my drink and left the restaurant. No awkward goodbye. Huzzah!

He told me he'd like to get together again. Did I like him? Yes. Did I laugh? Yes. Did I enjoy his company? Yes. Did I want to stick my tongue down his throat? Not even a little. Will I go out with him again if he asks? Sure, but mostly to meet the one data a week quota I've been having a hard time meeting. This one wasn't a love match, but he is a nice, attractive, funny guy who I kind of want to set up with a friend.

For the record: He paid.