Not Awesome Tight Pants Party Pre-game

What does it mean when you're relieved you may have been stood up?

How long do you wait when a guy hasn't shown up for a blind date?

I was running late for my date on Saturday night and texted my date 15 minutes before our date was to begin to let him know I was on my way and would be 10 minutes late.

I got to the bar, checked all the floors for a dude who met the description of the man I was meeting. (Yes, the date was a blind date arranged through an online dating site.) When I didn't see him I sauntered up to the bar and ordered a drink. They didn't have my preferred low brow blended whiskey (I should have seen this as a sign) so I ordered something comparable and grabbed a seat on the patio to wait. The weather was fucking spectacular. A gorgeous, humidity-free 70 degrees as I settled in to a comfy chair to wait for my strapping 6'3" date. So I waited and then I waited and then I realized it was 8:18p. I'd only been there for eight minutes but this dude was almost 20 min late. And that was when I realized he never responded to my text sent more than 30 minutes prior.

So I waited some more, then I texted some friends and asked how long until I was officially stood up. I immediately got three texts back:
1) you are stood up leave immediately
2) oh no! this can't be your saturday night!
3) uh-oh, probably. that stinks. do you want to come to a tight pants party instead?

Secretly I was relieved. I told the bouncer and a table with two lesbians that I thought that I was stood up. The lesbians told me I was cute and went back to their conversation. (I think I went to high school with one of them.) The bouncer sat down at my table and chatted. He told me that he would wait an hour before deciding he was stood up and claimed to be stubborn. We chatted for the 35 minutes (the amount of time it took me to finish my drink) and this 21 year old college senior enlightened me on the history of automatic weapons and how they relate to football. At 8:45p I decided to leave the bar and take the bus to the tight pants party referenced in the earlier text. I chatted with some good friends, had a lot of laughs and drank very good wine out of a red solo cup. The evening was salvaged.  The date, not so much.

I'm glad I didn't spring for a cab.

Date fail.