Bachelor #136

So it seems men apply the same type of "Swingers" mentality they use to determine how soon to call a girl to contacting a girl post-speed dating. Two days after speed dating, we received the link to contact participants and it took some men days before they contacted me.

Of all the messages, I only responded to one guy: bachelor #136, an attorney who was also the target of the drunk girl mentioned in an earlier post. After exchanging emails all week, #136 and I decided to meet for a drink Friday night. We met at a bar near my office (he lives in VA, but had taken the day off so he came to me) and had a really nice time. It took him a moment to warm up; we were making conversation but it just seemed cold, but we ended up sitting there drinking and talking for five hours. We talked a lot about work and our families, football and friends. By this time it was midnight and I was starving so we grabbed an empanada. This was a lot longer than I planned to be out and I needed to get up early the next day so I wrapped things up. Honestly, I was really tired and just all of a sudden wanted to get home. Doesn't happen to me very often, but when it does, I go with it. My cell is out of commission so he emailed me the next day to say he had fun so we'll see what happens. I would be up for going out again.

One guy messaged me and Betti both to arrange a double date, but that didn't work out for this week so we are going to try and meet up with them next Thursday. When he emailed to set this up, he asked me to call him about a "snazzy event next weekend that I might be interested in." I called tonight and he asked me to go with him to a black-tie Oktoberfest party at the German Embassy. I am so excited! Churning...I think I love you...

I also met another guy through a friend last weekend and we have been texting and might meet up Wed for a drink. It really is true that with all these options, I am obsessing and stressing less and focusing on just having a good time and meeting people. My only concern is that I'm peaking too soon with all this, and in a few weeks won't have any dates after this run. But for now I'm enjoying the fact that in addition to work events and other plans, I potentially have three dates this week!

Where do you draw the line?

I was out last night with some friends, having a few drinks and lots of laughs. It was a pretty typical and fun Saturday night. There was a dude there who was quite abrasive and questionably creepy. My good friend, Dolly, who has been a great advocate of churning since the start was talking to 'Questionably Creepy' and was trying to set me up with him for my weekly date. (Dolly is so awesome - eyes on the prize.)

After about 45 minutes of chatting and drinking a mutual friend of Dolly and mine whispered to her that 'Questionably Creepy' was indeed creepy and that she should stop talking to him and not try to hook up the two of us. So that leads me to today's churning question: Where do I draw the line when it comes to who I go out with? The purpose of churning is to date lots of people, including people I wouldn't typically go out with, right? I think I need Papa Churn to weigh in on this one.

P.S. After 'Questionably Creepy turned Actually Creepy' left I ended up hanging out with a 25 year old dude from NY who was actually charming. He got me to dance and I gave him my number. For the record, I am 30 years old and he is two years younger than my minimum age. In hindsight, maybe having a minimum age is a question for Papa Churn as well.

P.P.S. I don't get asked out very often so if I am only asked out by creeptastic dudes, is it better to go out with them and keep with the weekly quota or not have a date that week?

Deja Vu

I had a drink meet-up aka urban cocktail date planned for this evening when, in the spirit of Marcia Brady, something suddenly came up. He asked if we could reschedule. I suggested an alternate day. I'll let you know if it happens.

The History of Churning

The history of Churning can be traced back thousands of years to when Lindsay Lohan was just a cute little girl with freckles and Paula Abdul was unmedicated and dancing with the cartoon cat. There was once a lonely boy in a drizzly town called Coventry, England where there were no cute men, or women, or animals. Everything was dull and grey, so he up and left and travelled around the world to find true love and in the deepest, darkest corners of Australia (Sydney) he met an Australian. The Australian had known his sister and lived with her, so they went for cocktails. The Australian revealed a technique honed by his sister called...The Churn. The lonely boy was curious so the Australian promised to teach him all of the mystic art of Churning. "Confidence have you must," "Patient must you be"  "Practice makes perfect" and  "Love looked for not found" said the mystic Australian. 

Soon the lonely boy was lonely no more, through confidence he had five dates a week, through patience he waded through the bad dates and eventually least when he expected it the not so lonely boy fell in love and was so good at dating he caught his true love's heart.

Go forth and Churn.

Papa Churn

Bratops and Bible Poems

Belle and I went speed dating Friday night. The most memorable portion of the evening for me was this disastrously drunk girl who I will discuss at the end of this post because it has nothing to do with churning but was highly entertaining. Okay, so speed dating... I was more than pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed myself. The 80 minutes flew by feeling more like 15. For those curious how it works: We had four minutes with each dude where they moved from woman to woman while us ladies stayed seated. It worked out evenly with 42 people - 21 men and 21 women, however, one dude bailed halfway through so I only spoke to 20, hence the 80 minutes.

The whole experience was strange while being a bit of a confidence booster. After we finished the speed dating session everyone mingled and we drank and chatted about nothing in particular. There were five men talking to Belle and me, which is not a common occurrence for me. It was intriguing and fun.

Of the men I chatted up I would be interested in seeing, well, none of them again but that's not what churning is about. After taking a second mental pass of the kind gentlemen I met I would actually go out with 18 of the 20. The two I wouldn't go out with: the close talker who immediately went into six, count them SIX, questions about my past relationships and whether I was attracted to men who favored their left or right brain. (He literally scared me.) The other guy I probably woudn't see again was the one who quoted bible verse to me. I'm pretty sure my non-baptized ass would give him cooties.

It's been three or so days since speed dating and I was not bombarded with messages from men dying to go out with me. It looks like the non-desire to go out again was pretty much mutual. There were two exceptions: one, a dude who I only referenced on my note sheet as "wearing a blue shirt"; and the other, two dudes who asked Belle and I out on a double date. We'll let you know what happens.

Okay, on to the disastrously drunk girl. So this girl was a mess. She wore a hot pink tube top and jeans and platform wedges that were surely going to be the catalyst for her head hitting the pavement around 1:00a if she made it that long. I'm going to call her "Bratop" because in her state the back of her shirt was falling down / folded over and that was literally stamped in huge letters on the inside of her shirt. She had the vague makings of a side ponytail, not because she was rocking a 'do like Tina Majorino but more like her head was crooked when she put her hair up.

So Belle and I are standing at the bar talking to this very nice dude and I notice that the festivities are about the begin because a woman is handing out sheets of paper and mini golf pencils. The first person she hands the sheet to is a tall dude in a Burberry shirt who was seated next to Bratop. Just as he is about to take the paper, Bratop raises her hand and slams it on the paper shoving it to the ground telling Burberry dude that he can't talk to anyone but her. (I think she missed the memo on speed dating.) The woman tries again with the same result. After three thwarted attempts she gives up and moves along. The show has ended so I turn away.

The next thing I know Bratop is standing next to us at the bar intent on monopolizing another dude. This time she takes his overpriced cocktail (why are drinks these kind of places always overpriced) and pours it on his shirt. Yes, she picked up another dude's drink and then basically threw it on him and the bar. Bizarre, yet dramatically entertaining. Unfortunately that was all the fun allowed because Bratop and her wing woman were escorted out by two dudes dressed in all black. (Thanks to Belle for letting me tell the Bratop story.)

Ready, Set, Date

Betti and I kicked off week one with speed dating on Friday. I was actually a little nervous, but it turned out to be really fun. There were 21 girls and 20 guys and we got four minutes with each of them. There was quite a mix of men there, and lots of them had driven in from NoVa just for this event. There were several guys I would consider hanging out with again, but no instant crushes. I did exchange info with a music reporter who facebooked me (and we actually have four mutual friends) and he sent me a text this morning. He was nice and I would definitely be up for hanging out.

From speed dating, Betti and I headed out in search of a bar to dish about our night. We were in an unfamiliar neighborhood so we stopped in the first place we passed that looked cool. Unfortunately, it was a little too crowded so we decided to move on and took a suggestion from the bouncer on a new spot just opening around the corner. The bar was nice and we settled upstairs where we could people watch and talk. I noticed a group of guys standing across the room and was gearing up to make eye contact and see if we could get them to come over and talk to us...oh, but I forgot we are churning. Can't just sit around and wait when you're churning. Betti marched us right over and played the "have you met my friend" game. We talked for a bit, but decided to leave after we finished our drinks. Betti is an excellent partner in crime. We have hung out before and had great times, but churning is really taking our friendship to a whole new level.

All in all, week one was a success.

Something Suddenly Came Up

I had a date scheduled this evening with a dude from an online dating site. He cancelled with 90 minutes notice because something urgent came up. This reminded me of the line Marcia Brady used when she cancelled her date with Charlie to go out with Doug Simpson a.k.a. big man on campus. The infamous (in my mind) line she used was, "something suddenly came up." Back to real life - the dude from tonight said he was willing to meet up three hours later than we agreed if I still wanted to hang out. Not sure what I will do or what I want to do for that matter. If churning is complicated, does that defeat the purpose?

Al Capone sans Cigar

I went on my first churning date and it was, well, okay. I signed up for an internet dating site and was set up with a man who described himself as "Al Capone sans cigar". He was perfectly pleasant, a very nice man. He was enthusiastic and engaging. He brought me a rose (pictured left) which was very nice. But, alas, there was no chemistry.

I think it is best described like this: He was a square peg and I was a ham sandwich. He showed up with a lovely flower which I am sure he thought was a chivalrous gesture. I wondered what I was going to do with a rose combined with babies breath wrapped in cellophane from Ecuador (that was what the label said). Then I wondered how long I had to stay on a date that I knew would go nowhere. It is a craptastic feeling to meet someone and know that you don't want to see them again. If you stay for a while are you leading them on? If you leave right away is it disrespectful? I ended up staying for 57 minutes. It was a pleasant conversation with a kind person I will not see again. And so begins the churn.

Baby Steps

I have to admit, this churning thing scares me a little. I don’t like to make the first move and I never ask guys out so thinking about the one date per week requirement makes me a bit anxious. But as my cohort Betti has told me, chivalry is dead…at least in DC, and if I want to start dating more in this city, I am going to have to be more pro-active. So I accept the challenge and am in some ways looking forward to this adventure. I think churning will change our lives. We may not all end up married (which is fine since that’s not really the goal), but I think we will meet some interesting people, take part in some cool events, and at the very least have some very entertaining tales to tell.

The Basics of Churning - What it's all about.

Churning is a concept that I learned about from some friends - a brother and sister from London. They both met their partners churning and insist it is a great way to work out the kinks and increase your dating confidence. It's not about focusing on your dates, but instead focusing on and feeling great about yourself. Below you will find a direct excerpt from the email I got from my friend outlining how to churn. He alludes to a report being filed on his desk. The ladies of Capital City Churning are going to do one better - we are going to blog about our weekly outings right here. So let's begin...

The basics of churning are this.......you must do everything in your power to go on a date a week. Now this means.....internet dating, speed dating, approaching someone you fancy, etc. It basically is a huge crash course in CONFIDENCE and THERE ARE NO EXCUSES. It's fine not to actually have a date a week as long as you have done ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING you can to get one. It is putting yourself out there and it worked for me wonders, its' not actually about meeting anyone its about getting the confidence and in the routine of dating so that when someone we really like comes along we're ready! Okay so...

TO DO:

1. SIGN UP FOR ONLINE DATING and DON'T BE PICKY. Remember a date is better than no date so even if you don't think you fancy their picture do it anyway.
   
2. Sign up for speed dating.
3. Join something you don't usually do.... e.g book club where you'll meet a new pool of people
4. Ask someone once a week for coffee.
   

I expect a report on my desk on date one by this time next week......READY SET DATE!

It's scary but really fun and a great personal challenge!