Since you asked...

Both the Vet and the Repub (duh) are republicans. Maybe it's just that I'm in that 'peak' age for women, but sex with both is quite great. I think at first I wanted to have some of that bi-partisan rancor that would lead to ideological hate sex with the Repub, but it's really just that we're really sexually compatible. I'm not even sure what made the sex so great - it was actually fairly vanilla, but. Yeah. It was good enough to keep me from moving on when I should (as evidenced by 3 g0-rounds post breakup).

Things with the Vet, however, are going well. The sex is improving as we get our rhythm (HA) and such. This past weekend he took me to a resort town outside Annapolis. It was really a lovely time. I had crabs for the first time, we walked around the town, enjoyed the hotel, had a lovely dinner...and on the way back he took me to Chik fil a. All journeys should end with fried chicken and pickles.

Foggy Meeting Out of my Element

"Hey what's up. It's Ted from acme bar." That was a text I received yesterday at 12:55p. And then the night started coming back to me. After a super fun day bar crawling with some friends I continued the consumption of bad decision juice and must have given my number to a dude at acme bar.

Please note: His name isn't Ted. And acme bar isn't actually the name of the bar, instead it is a bar in DC with dancing and overpriced drinks with a line outside - so not my scene. But as it turns out, 13 hours of overindulgence in bad decision juice can result is lot of out of character fun.

So I get this text from Ted and the foggy memories flow slowy back. I write back the not so clever, "Hi Ted from Acme Bar." To which he responds, "Wats going on?" Really? In this day and age of texting why can't people spell and punctuate correctly? I find it kind of annoying. And I am crap when it comes to grammar so it is kind of the pot calling the kettle black... but I'm okay with it. If you are asking a girl, a guy or a monkey out over text, shouldn't you at least put your best textual foot forward?

Oh balls. I just had a thought, maybe he is 24 years old and grew up texting, not like me, the tech dinosaur (who had a pager that nobody ever called) in high school. Please. Please. Please. Do not be 24 years old.

Anyway, after some more back and forth (with two "yea"s on his part) we decided to meet for a cup of coffee this evening. I'll let you know what happens.

The Death of Summer=The Birth of New Relationships

Namaste my churnlings! Apologies for the prolonged absence, Papa Churn has returned and is on a high fibre diet so I promise to be more regular.

Right my sweet cherubs, Labor Day has arrived and this is prime dating season when everyone's Nicholas Sparks white washed esque romances have died like the asparagus at Giant and people are getting serious about relationships in order to hunker down when the cold weather draws in. We are all programmed like school children that this is the real beginning of the year, when people buy their school supplies, take stock and think; 'hmmm wouldn't it be nice to meet someone to kick the autumn leaves with?'. Take advantage and churn churn churn.

Well what progress we have made sweet chick-a-dees.

Betti-did not wise old man Papa predict you would burn out? You were like a puppy released into a lush green field, you ran around, got tired and are now refusing to get back in the car. Fear not young pup, I will rub your belly with sage nuggets of advice. Firstly to answer your plea for help. WHO SHOULD I DATE? Should you be dating trolls? No. Should you be dating people you are not the least attracted to? No. Should you not date someone because they snort when they laugh or have six fingers on one hand? The choice, my young liege is yours.

The act of churning is two fold; one to prepare you for dates you actually want to go on and two to put you out there so you may meet people outside of your comfort zone. Betti I cannot make this choice for you. You need to look within yourself young one and find the balance between people you think have the potential to be interesting past three dates and then people you clearly have no business dating because they are fifty year old men with mullets.

rick.mark.steve.
Big gold star for you. 8 pack sounds great and I think you would be insane to stop dating him. We do not all run at the same speed on the treadmill of life. Allow 8 pack to answer his own questions while grating the cheese for your dinner with his abs. As for the comment 'why is he dating me'. You need a big ass Alexis Colby bitch slap and to be thrown down a marble staircase. Get some self respect and some capital letters. For a man with three names you need to get some more confidence! Translation: your adorable and don't forget it!


Claudia, good job on juggling so many dates. It is not my place to pass judgement but; sex with a republican? Do share!

Kitty, welcome to the fold. Who are these terrible people hosting a singles BBQ? It's either genius, because everyones ideal is to meet someone through friends or hell on earth. It may be an awful process but with great benefits. Pray do tell!

Belle of the ball where ye be? Shacked up somewhere in a bed of sin. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Roll on fall, the season of romantics!

Papa Churn

You Need to Work on Your Face

So I didn't have a date last week but I did do something new. Hip hop dance class! That's right boys and girls, ladies and gentleman, fish and donkeys -- I took a dance class. A hip hop dance class. So I can dance at clubs (come on, you know I don't really go to clubs) and bars and parties.

The class is four sessions long and filled with the most remarkably awkward people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not (I certainly didn't) I don't think there are any gay men in the class. Just painfully shy and awkward or oddly confident dudes who are afraid to do hip hop or think they're the bees' knees. It is a bizarre experience.

I may not be the most awkward but I think I am the worst. I am an awful dancer. I can't do the moves and I keep thinking I'm going to throw out a hip. I was trying to dance and the teacher called me out saying, "You need to work on your face. You look like you're in pain." Apparently dancing is mostly attitude. Who knew? Everybody but me, that's who. I told my mom what the dance teacher told me about my face and she laughed so hard I heard a snort over the phone. That made it all worth it.

So, I didn't meet any interesting guys but I did get out and do something new. I wasn't sitting on the couch or playing on the computer. Something new and something different. This is the way I said I was going to churn and I did it. And I feel good. Now I have to find a way to meet men who give me butterflies. I really miss butterflies.

Dancing Notes: I think I am better at Latin dancing than hip hop. And I think I found my move. It looks nerdy with Chuck Taylors and I like that. But I tried to do it again this morning in front of the mirror and I forgot it. Blast!

For the record: I paid for my dance class.

Good Luck

I was supposed to have a first date with a hot doctor on Friday but I canceled. Here's what happened.

Things have been crazy at work and three people quit on Friday half way through the day. This is in addition to three other people giving notice two weeks ago. Six people in two weeks is a lot and things seem crazy.

One of the people who was leaving was having a happy hour at the same time as my first date. I told him I wasn't able to attend because I had plans. He didn't take no for an answer and admittedly phone banked me (aka called me repeatedly - gotta love people in politics) and texted me saying I had better attend his going away party. It had been a crazy day that concluded a crazy week and I felt like some stress-free drinks without the pressure of first date conversation and posture sounded like what the hot doctor would order. I finally gave in after two texts and five calls and agreed to cancel plans with the hot doctor and go to the happy hour.

The happy hour guy met me at my office and I walked over with him to his party so he wouldn't show up alone. I told him I canceled a date (with a hot doctor) for his happy hour and he assured me that I would meet many single men at the party.

I texted the hot doctor and told him that several people had quit at my office and things were nutty and I wasn't able to make it. And I asked if I could get a raincheck for Sunday. I got a text back saying, "I'm booked Sunday. Good luck." Ouch. I suppose he thinks I'm either a flake or a drama queen and doesn't want to see me, but... ouch. Oh well, we found each other online and haven't actually met in person yet, his hot doctor picture could be 37 years old. He could be a member of the long noise hair club. Or an 18 year old dude. Or a 60 year old lady. Either way, he kind of seems like a dbag. No date for Betti this week. Fail.

For the record, I met no single guys at the happy hour and I bought two beers and a shot for the going away dude.

This dating stuff hurts my brain sometimes

I think the easiest way for me to update would be by person.

1. The Saturday Late Date - He texted me early the following week and we set something up for that Thursday. I guess it annoyed me that he texted to ask, and that he wanted me to pick the place. Again. Anyways, I was too hungover and just not in the mood to go that Thursday, so I canceled. I spent the night with my phone off and alone. It was what I needed.

He emailed me Wednesday and asked me out for Thursday. I had another date then anyways, but I wouldn't have gone simply b/c he asked the day before. Over email. I said I had plans then later that night I get an email tome about his current relationship with, um, relationships. I appreciate the honesty, but man. I do NOT need to hear about your sex life with your ex. I thought I successfully brushed him off, but he emailed back and still wanted to hang out. I've not responded.

2. The Other Dating Site Dude - We had a date Thursday at a sushi place downtown. I had actually been there originally with the Vet. It's so.good. We had a nice time, good conversation. We got another drink at a bar down the street, then called it an evening. He keeps asking me if I have any questions for him. It's not like I'm not engaging him in conversation. Weird. He too has laid his baggage out as well (divorced, etc). I'm not sure I understand this trend.

He paid for dinner, I paid for drinks after.

3. The Repub - We grabbed a drink about 2 weeks ago after texting for an hour beforehand about our relationship (namely, how amazing our sexual chemistry was). I think some of the stuff I had told him about dating him being a waste of time got to him. He kept bringing it up. We both knew that meeting up that evening was pretty much a prelude to sex. A lot of really good, drunk sex (that kept me from going to my date the next night). I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoyed the self-esteem boost that comes from your ex saying how hot he thinks you are and how much he likes sex with you (in much dirtier terms). Now to work on having no contact with him at all. That's always the hardest for me.

He paid

4. The Vet - We had a date Tuesday out on H St. It was quite a bit of fun. He's been driving me to/from work while he's been home too. He travels a lot for work. We're also going to go out tonight for one of our mutual friend's birthday. He hasn't been going out as much, and he thinks he found a place to buy. I'm still waiting to see how he handles a few other things such as his mental and physical health. I did learn Sunday how he saved children from a fire during the war. In gratitude, the town gave him a 16 year old girl to marry (and plates of food). Good deal?

For Labor Day, he'd going to take me to North Carolina for 2 days. I'm really looking forward to getting away.

He paid

Say No to the Name

It is official. I will never date a dude with "the name". As rick.mark.steve mentioned, the dude who broke my heart has the same name as Hirschorn and Birthday. And guess who else shares "the name"? The vampire! That name is off limits.

Also, I have a packed schedule today, only 15 minutes free and I chose to clear my head by reading the blog and eating some string cheese. Reading rick.mark.steve's latest posts made me smile. I hope the blog brings joy to others as well. Churn baby churn.