Fake it 'til you make it

The August 1 churning deadline is fast approaching and I am starting to panic. I am firmly practicing "fake it 'til you make it" and it is keeping me busy. I am still really optimistic and excited but I wish I could keep the sad at bay.

I'm not sure I'm ready to date but I know that I never will be unless I start. My friends tell me it's always hard to go on a first date after you've had your heart broken so I figured I would bite the bullet and just do it.

I signed up for an online dating site but I was stil worried that I wouldn't have a date for the first week. I am a woman of my word *and* I did say I would have a date the first week in August so I signed up for speed dating. Again. Shoot me. In the face. It sounds miserable (especially because I don't particularly want to date now anyway) but I see it as jumping in the deep end of the pool or ripping the bandaid off with one swift motion. Whichever cliche you prefer, I figure it's a good way to join the dating scene again.

Then a guy from the online dating site asked me out. And then another one did. Jeesh when it rains it pours - watch - I will have no dates two weeks from now. But for now I have two dates plus speed dating all scheduled for this weekend. I'll try and post about all of it. And I will continue to "fake it 'til I make it". I'm looking forward to when it is just plain fun.

churning...lets hope this works for the gays too.

so. hello.

new to this blog. new to this theory of churning. but i'm enjoying the thought.

so i'm gonna be the gay churner. hence the name rick.mark.steve. which if you dont know this reference (::cough cough::steel magnolias::cough cough::), you are either a straight male or a girl i dont ever want to be friends with. phew. glad we got that out of the way early.

lets make a few things about my dating history clear. ive only been in love once. ive never really made an effort to be in a relationship since then (about 4.5 years ago) because i realized how selfish i was in my life. i had fun meeting people and going on dates and general companionship, but knew i couldnt actually incorporate anyone in to my decision making process. i'm decent at dating. i know to listen to the other person rather than talk the whole time, ask questions, do fun things, and im creative at coming up with dates. but now i want it to be more than just dating.

now that ive finally settled in to a new job, a new life, and everything is going great in pretty much every other aspect of my life, i think im ready to finally call someone a boyfriend. to actually let myself be vulnerable and find the possibility of love again. who knows. its scary but exciting.

and the two things i think are almost synonymous with being gay and dating, but just want to make sure this is well-known.

1. i might on outward appearances with friends and family have all the confidence in the world. but when it comes to dating, confidence factor equals zero. i get nervous. i dont understand certain social cues. i second guess everything i do. i constantly ask friends for advice. i get text messages approved by at least two friends before i send it. its alot.

2. dating makes me crazy. im pretty sane in all other aspects of my life. however. the whole instant connection thing, facebook, texting, calling, work, email, iphone, blackberry, etc. makes me constantly feel like i'm in a scene from he's just not that in to you. again, refer to previous note.

on that note, i am starting my churning this week. i've decided that meeting someone for drinks to see if they want to go on a date qualifies as churning. so yeah. give it a few days. and you'll be hearing from me again.

Does Online Dating Require a Passport?

In anticipation of the August 1 churning start date I signed up for an online dating site. Online dating is nutty. I understand that it is an efficient way to meet people but it seems like a way to avoid dating while at the same time obsess about dating. There is winking. And messaging. And rating. And chatting. Uploading photos. Taking quizzes. It is a complete time-suck and there is so much you can do before you actually meet the person in real life. It seems like an easy trap for people with obsessive personalities, like yours truly, to fall into - that results in spending way too much time thinking about a virtual stranger.

But most of all, it makes me feel slightly inadequate. I swear - every person's post I read highlights the fact that they're a "fuckin' world traveler". (Picture me saying that like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.) I don't travel very much. Who am I kidding, I don't travel at all. My lack of frequent flier miles makes me feel like I don't belong in the world of online dating. I feel like my cultural capital rating doesn't score high enough on the scale to warrant dating a dude who had a pizza party on the Great Wall of China. (Okay, I made that last part up.)

Is it weird that I just want to get down to the meeting of people? Maybe it stems from my lack of patience or my desire to be direct. I want to meet in person. I don't want to waste time chatting and overusing emoticons. To me: there is something off-putting about a guy who wants to chat for a while before going on a date. Is it inappropriate to meet up right away? Am I a scary, non-traveled chick who doesn't "get" online dating?

I wish there was a quiz called, "Are you a Serial Killer?" Because if a straight dude in my desired age range passed that quiz I think I'd email him and say, "Hey. I see you aren't a serial killer. Awesome. Want to get a cup of coffee? I need to go on one date a week and I need to fill my quota."

... and I'm back!

Hello churning friends. I am sadly and excitedly single once again. The guy that I thought was "the guy" turned out to be a great boyfriend but not "the one", or "forever" or whatever the kids are calling it these days.

So why "sadly" single? Because breaking up is sad. My first foray into heartbreak is sad. But now I know what love feels like and I want it again. I want it bigger and better and more awesome. And that is where the "excitedly" single part comes in. I am stoked to go out and meet dudes and go on dates. I am pumped to meet the next guy that helps me laugh and smile and think and love. I want to find adventure and experience new things. I want to be challenged. Game on boys. I now have even more experience and a better sense of what I want and more importantly, what I need. I'm ready to find him - the guy I can live without but would rather live with. Forever.

I broke up with my ex at the beginning of July so I gave myself one month to heal before the churning began, which means we're closing in on it. It's all about faking it 'til you make it, friends. So, starting August 1, there will be one date per week. No exceptions.  And this time around it will be even better. We have a new look to the blog. A fresh look for a fresh start and we'll be having a new blogger or two, which means even more fun dates to read about. It's going to be great. I can feel it.

ASSUME NOTHING

Firstly I am so happy that Betti met someone, even though I cannot believe you didn't share. Too special? What are we? A box of Cheerios? Papa Churn frown, Papa Churn smile, Papa Churn has wrinkles from opposing emotions. I have not met the guy but am sure he is lovely.

Belle keep up the good work, however if these guys you're dating are beginning to bore you dump 'em just make sure you have another date lined up! I feel like you may be reaching a Churlump, which is a slump mixed with a dash of churn. Let's find a new resource of men for you-try something you don't normally do, go sky diving, join a book group anything that may get you to meet different men to the ones you're already meeting. Shake it up baby.

Now onto todays new dating tool, two simple words that hold a whole world of meaning and in the dating world the are the second or third most important phrase close to "Being exclusive" and "I love you". In the dating world you must never assume anything! A guy says he has a great job, assume he is unemployed, it says a guy is 5ft9 on his match.com profile, he's a teeny tiny nugget of a man, your man is perfect, don't assume you've found the man of your dreams, it ain't over till the fat Papa sings at your wedding. Even then don't assume you'll be happy! While this message sounds a little negative the point of it is a little insurance so that a) you keep things exciting and fresh in your relationships and b) you don't lose your perspective-keep a clear head.

The churn never ends.......even when you're happily with someone...one date a week, no excuses! I never said it couldn't be with the same guy!

Possible Churning Graduate?

I haven't updated the churn blog in a couple of weeks because (drum roll please) I believe I have found someone who I want to spend a lot of time with. Someone I want to get to know. Someone whose presence makes me not want to date anyone else. So this will be my last post.

I have actually had a crush on this guy for about four or five months. I never blogged about him because, in my mind, he was too special. Plus dating him involved some complications and I didn't think it would ever happen. I tried to push him out of my mind and date other people (one per week, like a good churner) in hopes I would find someone I wanted to spend time with. Secretly I compared every guy to him and nobody ever measured up. But I never admitted that here.

Well, long story short: we are now dating after a whirlwind week and I couldn't be happier. I've been smiling for days on end and my face is kind of sore because of it. He is wonderful and amazing. He is smart and kind. He is so cute I can barely stand it. And I feel like I can be myself around him. I am happy in a way I didn't know was possible. And I like it. A lot.

Belle has met him and she approves. Papa Churn has not met him but I have a feeling he would approve if he met him based on three things:
1. He is a fun, great guy.
2. He takes my breath away.
3. The first time we hung out alone the first thing he did was ask me for a hug. And I wanted to give him one.

I just want a Big Mac and America’s Favorite Fries…

One of the things that has been a challenge about churning is balancing dates with my already busy schedule of work and social engagements. In order to churn this week, I had to double book a bit.

The reporter asked me out for Monday, but I ended up having to work late so we moved it to Tuesday. However, I already had plans with some of my girls for a Ladies Happy Hour. So I met the ladies and then proceeded to meet up with the reporter on 17th Street to watch the infamous DC High Heel Drag Race. Unfortunately it was raining and already super crowed so I didn’t get to see much of the race, but got absolutely soaked. I ended up with really frizzy curly hair, but I guess he didn’t mind. After the race, we moved to another bar where we could get a seat. All in all it was a fun date. Not a lot of deeply informative or personal information shared—we talked mostly about work. I was starting to feel the booze and really, really wanted to go down the street and devour a Big Mac by myself, so I tried to leave. I told him I was fine, I’d just go outside and grab a cab and that he could stay in the bar…he didn’t buy it and wouldn’t rest until he had me safely in a cab…sans fries. He probably would have seen me to Mickey D’s but I didn’t want to go there and inhale a #1 Extra Value Meal in front of him. So I went home hungry, but it was a fun night.

The next night, I met Bachelor #136 at Gazuza for drinks after work. Since it was a weeknight, it was pretty dead so we got a great seat on the patio and could really talk. It had been weeks since our first and only other date so in some ways it felt like we were starting at square one. He is really nice and admitted to really liking me and being attracted to me, etc. After hours of sitting across from each other, he asked me to sit next to him in the booth and I did. We kissed a little, but mostly just talked.

For the second night in a row it was almost midnight and I hadn’t eaten so I tried to escape, but I couldn’t shake him. As we walked through Dupont we passed all these places that were open and I just wanted to duck in and get something. He finally left after seeing me to a bus stop on P Street. As soon as he was out of view, I ran to McDonalds and finally got some French fries.

Both of these guys are really nice and interesting, but I am starting to wonder how much longer I can keep this up. We have gone on several dates over several weeks and every week they keep asking me out, which is great and totally fun. I just don’t want them to think I am leading them on. I like hanging out with them, but there’s no spark. But I’ll ride it out for now and just take it one date at a time.